


And how you suffered for their 'sanity'

by farmsicle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam Milligan is a Winchester, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted Murder, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Castiel is Not Innocent (Supernatural), Castiel is Not Oblivious (Supernatural), Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Child Abuse, Comfortably Bisexual Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Don't Have To Know About Supernatural (TV), Don't Judge, Don't Like Don't Read, Drunk John Winchester, How Do I Tag, Hurt Adam Milligan, Hurt Sam Winchester, I Don't Even Know, I will add tags as i remember them, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John is a Bit Not Good, Kid Adam Milligan, Lucifer Being an Asshole (Supernatural), Lucifer is not right in the head and Jack isn't safe, Multi, Near Death, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, generally john and lucifer are assholes, i don't give a shit if someone is triggered because 'john was a good father how dare you', i think i put everything that could cause someone to get triggered, i will add tags as i remember, like im not kiding, triggered as in have a panic attack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22852009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farmsicle/pseuds/farmsicle
Summary: Castiel Novak moved away with his nephew after his brother had psychotic breakdown and almost killed his 1 year old son Jack. Castiel decided to hide far away from home, from Shurley's, and ended up in the edge of the West Coast, in parts warm enough that he will have to travel if he wanted Jack to experience real snow filled Christmas. He found a job in the sandwich shop, close to the beach, where he met some...interesting people. He met Charlie Bradbury, amazing redhead far too smart to be stuck in town like this. There was also Anna Milton, quiet and lost girl, but always up to watch Jack if he brought him along to work. Then Meg Masters, one of Castiel's absolute favorite people in the world. Then there was his boss, Bobby Signer, man owned car shop in South Dakota before, no one knew what sudden change was about, and no one dared to ask. And then there was Dean Winchester, with all his freckled skin and... interesting style. When Castiel first met the man he was doing his first shift and he walked in a kilt and some band shirt. No one seemed to be fazed enough by this to say anything, so neither did Castiel.Everything was fine, but world just hates Castiel, in summary.
Relationships: Adam Milligan & Dean Winchester, Adam Milligan & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan & Sam Winchester, Anna Milton & Ruby, Anna Milton/Ruby, Balthazar & Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury & Castiel, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury & Meg Masters, Charlie Bradbury/Meg Masters, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Donna Hanscum & Jody Mills, Donna Hanscum/Jody Mills, Eileen Leahy & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester, Meg Masters & Anna Milton, Rowena MacLeod & Dean Winchester
Comments: 26
Kudos: 67





	1. nightmares and holographic pants

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own these characters. They belong to their creators.  
> Inspiration for this was watching Ten Inch Hero too many times.

Life seemed to have ways to put people in wrong places in wrong time, it’s rarely talked about being put in the right place, in the right time, even though sometimes relationships made in those moments are the ones that keep us alive. People go around the globe just to find the right place, in hope that they will fight themselves. Castiel… he never really understood this, when it came to him he didn’t know why would anyone want to be away from their home if there was home to stay in. He was… he was raised in a big family. Family was big part of his life, of who he was. He planned to stay in their little city and become an accountant, he could help his brother, who was in process of becoming a priest at the time, keep their small community as tight as it was all the years back. He missed his simple life sometimes. When he had his brothers and cousins and their family was together. Now… well now it was just him and bundle of joy that Jack represented. Though if ever given the chance he would never give up his life. 

“Da’? “, what got his attention from his deep thoughts, as he hung over papers he was supposed to put into books of the man that paid him to do so (they were a mess, but not enough mess that he was invested in what he was doing), was small voice of his nephew who stood at the door handing from the knob, only reaching it because he was standing on his tip toes.

“Hey Jack, is something wrong? … Did you happen to have a bad dream? “, Castiel asked with caution in his voice, slowly taking of the pair of black glasses from the bridge of his nose.  
Jack just shrugged, paddling over to Castiel as fast as he could, his bare feet making small sound that often allowed Castiel to be able to locate him wherever he went. His precious nephew took dislike to his shoes… much like… no. Kid was NOTHING like him. Jack was kind and precious and helpful and he always tried to cheer Castiel up. He slowly pulled child in his lap when he felt small hands rest on his leg. 

“Maybe if you tell me what it was like we can figure it out together? “, he said kindly, pulling Jack close, resting his lips on small child’s temple.

Jack nodded at the offer, because of course he did, he took everything that Castiel said as the word directly from god: “Well… I… I was in bath tub… and there was ringing on the phone, but we don’ have a phone so I called and said that ‘s not ours… ‘s miss’ Margaret’s but you said it was and then something started pulling and pulling and you were walking and it was just pulling me in the water but I wasn’t scared! I knew that---I knew it was a dream because you would never answer phone with messy hands and I pinched myself REAL HARD and I woke up.” Jack seemed so proud of himself, that Castiel used all strength he had to not fall apart in front of him and show how not good this was. Castiel kissed his head, muttering: “Very well, good job Jack, you did really good.” He smiled down when he heard yawn escape Jack’s lips. He clumsily wiped at his eyes, his hands going around Castiel’s neck. Castiel slowly stood up, still rocking the sleepy child on his chest as he let him drift to sleep. Castiel hummed some song under his breath. Charlie had it on the radio today. He was still gently rocking Jack while he lowered them both onto queen sized bed, when he finally had Jack in comfortable position on his shoulder he covered both of them with thin blanket. He kissed Jack’s head once more before just nesting his nose against Jack: “…don’t you cry no more.”

Next morning Castiel woke up like he always did, it was around 7:30, his shift at the shop started around 10:00, so he had enough time to drink coffee, get himself properly woken up and then wake Jack. He always let Jack sleep some hour, hour and a half longer than himself. It gave him time to wrap up any work he had and prepare breakfast for them. Jack had his little foot firmly pressed against Castiel’s organs, possibly trying to force them to the other side, and his hand was tightly curled up in Castiel’s shirt. Older Shurley just sighed, firstly pulling Jack’s PJ down to cover his back then slowly taking fingers out of his shirt, making sure not to wake Jack up while he was doing so. When he finally freed himself he put pillows around Jack so he wouldn’t fall off before covering him with blanket. Castiel loved their routine, even though Jack didn’t know of it. It felt secure, and sometimes secure was good. Castiel stretched out, then went on with his quiet morning, making as minimal amount of noise as it was humanly possible for someone like him. He finished accounting he had left from last night, drank his coffee and had eggs prepared for both Jack and himself. Even though he knew he should eat routine was good for Jack and he wouldn’t be setting a good example if he jumped out of that routine. He finished everything by the time it was okay to wake Jack. 

He walked over to bed, barefoot just like Jack always was, okay, maybe it was his own habit that Jack picked up. Better than… His. He slowly sat on the bed, slowly shaking boy’s shoulder and then petting his head: “Jack, it is time to get up. Sun is already far up in the sky and you still didn’t greet it. It must feel so sad.” Castiel cooed at his nephew, moving locks of hair from his face. He watched as small boy stirred, trying to cover his face with clumsy hands, barely succeeding in that quest, boy long stopped trying to reach for the blanket because Castiel, meanie that he is, always sat on it so Jack didn’t have enough to pull it over his face.

“Da’ bright”, Jack complained, moving himself to plant his face on Castiel’s lap, to which the older man just laughed, petting his head.

“I assure you as soon as you open your eyes properly it won’t be that bad”, he coaxed boy upwards, planting him to sit on the bed. Jack, while still giving small whines, opened his eyes and blinked around himself, taking the room in. He crawled closer to Castiel, opening his arms and curling them around Castiel’s neck, making older man pick him up. Castiel did so without complaint, walking up to the window and opening it slowly. 

Jack turned his head around, letting one of his hand let go of Castiel now that he was sure he was held right. He wiped at his eyes a bit more, before resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder, innocently waving to sun and muttering: “Good morning Mr. Sun…” He still had that adorable sleepy tone that Castiel just loved. He nodded at child, finally moving away from the window to take him to the kitchen. 

He placed boy on chair with few books stacked on it, letting boy yawn some more.

After this he would get Jack ready in the bathroom and then take him back to the table to feed him, stealing few bites of his own eggs in between Jack’s chewing. He would later just stuff the whole thing in his mouth while Jack was paddling around looking for his flip-flops. By 9:30 they would be out of their studio apartment and on Castiel’s bike, going down to the beach. One of investments that Castiel was very proud of was baby seat for his bike which allowed him to have one less worry in his life. When they arrived at small hippie shop Castiel would carefully un-strap Jack and put him on his hip before locking the bike onto the metal pole. 

He entered the shop, greeted by his co-workers. Anna was leaning onto the counter, making incredibly good argument to Charlie why if angels existed they would be assholes. Charlie was listening with plastered smile, her glasses low on her nose while she did. 

“HEY LITTLE MAN! “, Castiel heard rough and gruff voice coming from the backroom as Dean Winchester, perfect, always discussably dressed, with few black high-lights in his hair Dean Winchester strode towards them taking Jack into his hands and mock throwing now bubbly and talkative boy into the air. Castiel just smiled brightly at this, his head cocked lightly to the side as he took Dean’s today’s attire. Man was in colourful holographic pants that barely reached half of his shins and simple pink shirt that said “Fudge the system” in bold black letters. Dean settled Jack on his own hip, grinning at Castiel in that way only he knew how: “Hi, Cas.” Castiel would have blushed at the nickname, probably did, and answered in his own gruff voice a familiar: “Hello, Dean.”


	2. where are good men these days?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just insight in relationship of everyone in the shop with one another.  
> Balthazar and Anna are siblings in this because I love that headcanon.

“Man why didn’t you tell me you were bringing him today, I would get you those things I told you about”, Dean said, placing Jack on one of the bar chairs that were around the counter. Freckled man reached over the counter, going around the other side with his hand.

Castiel knew that Dean adored Jack, always keeping small treats in his pocket for kid. Castiel remembered things that Dean mentioned. One day he was saying how he needed to get Jack new clothes since the ones he had weren’t suitable for this heat, Dean had none of it and said that when Sam grew out of his clothes Dean just kept it in their attic, along with toys and other things. As he put it they were just collecting dust. Castiel, even if he was clueless most of the time, knew that this was Dean offering to help out. From what Castiel gathered Dean raised Sam by himself and he knew the struggle of working multiple jobs to be able to pay bus fare.

“I apologize, it slipped my mind. Becky’s family decided that they would go to holidays suddenly and I didn’t have time to get another baby sitter”, Castiel explained, his eyes looking down at the floor. He felt a bit embarrassed not to mention this, as Dean always asked about Jack whenever Castiel arrived at work.

Dean just chuckled, finally turning around with small wrapped up candy bar, he handed it to Jack and smiled at boy’s fast ‘thank you’ before turning his head to Castiel saying: “It’s fine man, happens to the best. Hey Anna, didn’t you say that your brother was back from overseas?” 

Anna turned around from the work station, running hand through the back of her hair: “Yeah, Balthazar came back few days back, should be staying until week after next one. He wouldn’t mind watching Jack if you need someone Cassie, wouldn’t even cost you anything. At least I won’t have to listen Balthazar bitch about how boring my house is.”

Castiel looked at them in disbelief. Not really the bad kind. Ever since he came here everyone was so up on board to help him and extend their kindness as much as they could, finding ways to solve his problems before he even had plainest idea how would he go around them. He smiled, that dumbfounded smile as he slowly took apron from countertop, tying it around his hips.

“That… that would be of great help Anna. But I insist I pay him like I would pay Becky! “, Castiel insisted, but Anna had that, how Charlie called it ‘bitchface’ as she looked him over.

“No way Cassie. Listen, Zar is great with kids, doesn’t want to have one, but pesters me about giving him nephew. You would doing me a favor”, Anna said honestly, leaving Castiel no room for argument.  
Castiel bit down on his lower lip, looking around, before nodding, he really needed a babysitter and only reason he was able to pay Becky was because she was the cheapest one that he would let around Jack that he could find: “Thank you Anna. You’re doing me a huge favor. I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Oh get over it Cassie, you cover me one night and we’re even, how does that sound? “, she had that gentle smile on his lips, reminding Castiel why he was so thankful for her friendship. He nodded fast: “Of course, whenever you need me to cover.”

Castiel turned to Dean and saw that man had shit eating grin on his face, obviously so proud of himself: “See? And Sammy should be coming from school for summer so he can watch Jack until Becky comes back. We’ve got you and this little man covered. Don’t you dare say no. I got personal reasons for this. I know you would bring Jack here until Becky came back and Sammy would skin me alive if he knew another kid was having to sit in backroom of this place, no offence guys.”

There was muttered response of ‘none taken’ through the shop. Dean looked at Castiel determined and Castiel decided to let it go. He also didn’t want Jack to spend summer in back room of the shop, so he nodded, but firmly set his foot: “Though I am paying your brother, Dean. He’s a student and you already offered to lend me some summer stuff for Jack.”

“Okay, whatever, not going to argue with you there”, Dean grumbled, Castiel understood that man decided to take what he could get and call it a win.

From then on day was like every other. Castiel was making sandwiches with Dean and packing them, sure that Jack was safe in backroom with Bobby. Bobby said that he didn’t want Jack taking up space on counter, but Castiel knew it was man’s way of saying that he didn’t want some creep to come and try to snatch Jack away from Castiel. Around 12:30 car stopped in front of the shop and they already knew who was coming out of it. Castiel watched as Meg slowly got down from the car, blowing a kiss to it’s driver before she walked inside. Brunette made a bee line for the counter, ready to plop herself onto the chair.

Dean made a loud exclamation when he heard jingle of the thing that Bobby put on the door: “And she lives!”

“Suck me Losechester”, Meg grumbled, flipping him off.

“Here ya go Meg”, Anna slid coffee over to Meg, and got thankful grunt from other woman. Charlie grinned as she asked: “That bad? See? This is why I date girls.”

“That bad. I can’t even give him a grade for his EFFORT. Where are good man these days? “, Meg grumbled lowly drinking her coffee.

Dean gave a laugh, before showing with his thumb: “Jack is in the back.”

Meg’s head perked up, though she tried not to show any emotions towards the information: “Ah yes, one decent man on this globe. If you will excuse me then.” Soon enough she disappeared into the backroom and shop erupted with laughter from everyone that was included in conversation. Light conversation carried on through the shop until around 14:20 when people started coming in, either to make an order or pick up orders that were made previously on their site. Castiel was walking between helping Dean on the station, then back to the counter to write out names on orders so someone wouldn’t have allergic reaction because Meg gave them pork sandwich. Not the first time it happened, probably won’t be the last, but they respected that Bobby was VERY explicit about the fact that he doesn’t want a lawsuit on his back or any of theirs for that matter.

At some point man that Meg went home with yesterday came in to continue his flirting, hoping to get another date with Meg, but for anyone who knew her, there were no second dates when Meg was in question. Meg looked around, scratching her neck lightly, putting on a pretty good show of acting uncomfortable if you ask Castiel. He looked over to Dean and Charlie as he saw them play rock-paper-scissors under the counter. Charlie grinned when her rock beat Dean’s scissors patting her best friend on the shoulder. She lowered her glasses and messed up her hair putting up her best ‘I slept on the couch for last two days face’. Charlie slowly walked over to Meg, curling an arm around her and placing her head on Meg’s shoulder.

“Hey babe, how does mac’n’ cheese sound for tonight? I’m sorry I forgot our date on Saturday”, Charlie was talking like goddamn pro, if Castiel didn’t know better he would bet that everything she was saying was truth and nothing but the truth.

Meg grinned, not even flinching when hand was wrapped around her, this was nothing new and she was hoping for one of her friends to save her: “Yes, I’m sorry for disappearing on you yesterday, you know how I get when I’m upset, mac ‘n’ cheese sound great.” Meg shot man a look, he seemed so uncomfortable in his skin as he looked at Meg and Charlie putting on their act. Castiel decided that at this point he should step in and give man his sandwich sending him out on his way. Castiel tapped man’s hand, getting his attention. He placed two sandwiched, along with few more tissues than usual onto the counter moving them towards him. Anna grinned at man, suppressing her giggle as she said the price: “That would be 2.56, cash or card?” Man just slammed two bills onto the counter, fleeing the shop without saying a thing. After few looks were shared between staff members there was a long eruption of laugh.

“Damn Red, such a strong hold, you beat Clarence”, Meg teased, leaning back and laughing brightly.

“I take offence to that statement”, Castiel protested, though there was no bite in his words as he did. Leave it to his friends to chase man right out of the shop in under two minutes. Dean was doubled over in the back and Anna was laughing in her hand. Charlie was teasing back at Meg with that bright light in her eyes. This was good. Castiel can’t remember the time when he was happier than in the last three months that him and Jack spent there. He had his friends and his nephew. Everything was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone liked this, comments are love.


	3. saying our goodbyes

When his shift ended Castiel felt tired, but also he was relaxed, because he doesn’t need to worry who will watch Jack, and he won’t have to do full background check before letting them do so. Clothes for Jack were covered for now and he will have enough money to pay food and rent without making do with one decent meal a day for himself. He was thankful that Bobby let them take sandwich or two while they were at work. They could take more but Castiel felt shitty doing so. He slowly took off his apron, handing it to Charlie’s extended hand. Her and Dean were having discussion about this thing called ‘Moondoor’ and Castiel decided not to get involved, though he gave Dean a smirk as Charlie hit his head with neat blue apron. Dean waved his fist at him in joking manner, which brought a laugh out of Castiel’s lips. Castiel slowly went into the backroom, happy that he would be able to properly see Jack. Kid was in and out of shop the whole day, but it wasn’t the same as when giving him his undivided attention.

He spotted Jack sitting on chair on other side of the table playing some card game with Bobby. Old man had slight smile on his lips as he listened to Jack. No matter what anyone told you about Bobby Singer, man adored kids. Castiel coughed a little, leaning onto the door frame.

“DA’! “, Jack yelled out, his arms flying up in the air as he did. He jumped down from the chair, spreading his arms wide to come and hug him. Castiel bent down and picked boy up, landing a kiss on boy’s small nose.

“Hey there Jack, were you good today? “, Castiel asked, looking boy into bright eyes. Jack nodded eagerly, his hair bouncing up and down as he did. Castiel slowly took Jack’s head into his hand, not wanting boy to give himself headache: “I’m very glad you did, say bye bye to Bobby so we can go? “

“Bye-bye Bobby. Thanks for playing with me today”, Jack said sweetly, cuddling up to Castiel’s neck. He put his head under man’s chin, his small hands reaching to Castiel’s shirt.

“Ain’t no problem kid, feel free to drop by whenever you want. We could use more grown-ups in this place”, Bobby said with soft rumble in his voice, keeping grumpy persona up, but affection was evident in his voice.

Castiel nodded at his boy, then looked at Bobby, but before he opened his mouth he was cut off: “Don’t you dare boy. We look out for our own. It’s no trouble keeping an eye out for the kid. He’s a good kid.” At the last comment Castiel felt pride swell up in his chest, he looked at Jack’s dirty blond hair, landing a kiss in it.

Bobby then looked around, his eyes falling on the calendar: “I want you and Dean on re-stock tomorrow, we’re running out of all those veggies. I swear to god, those veggie sandwiches are gonna run us to the ground.”

“Alright, I will tell Dean. You need me to stay to make list or—“, Castiel left his sentence unfinished, waiting for Bobby to decide, but man just made dismissing motion with his hand. Castiel smiled, leaving the back room altogether.

He put Jack down, taking his hand firmly, squeezing it. While he was leaving he yelled over his shoulder: “I’ll be off then. Dean we have re-stock tomorrow, Bobby will give you the list.” All he heard was a grump as a response from fully grown man who was pouting about apron being thrown at his head. Castiel just shook his head, getting to his bike with Jack and slowly unlocking it. He leaned in onto himself and picked Jack up, settling him in his seat and buckling him up. He was so grateful for Jack, he was a good kid. Even as a baby, he rarely ever cried, threw tantrums. He felt like he won lottery with boy. He was just so… Kelly. If not for hair that he loaned from his father boy would be nothing like Castiel’s older brother; as he caught himself thinking this he shook his head, kissing Jack’s forehead again before climbing onto the bike. Many would say he was overly affectionate, but Jack only had him, so he had to make up for everything. Their ride passed in Jack pointing to dogs and Castiel commenting on them as they passed. Most of them he didn’t see, but somehow that didn’t matter to Jack. They were home soon enough, off the bike and inside. Jack almost threw his shoes off and went to run and get some paper to draw as Castiel took off his own shoes.

When Jack was settled on the floor, few layers of blankets under him, drawing, Castiel was about to start his usual routine of cooking them dinner, but he heard his cellphone ring. Weird. No one knew this number. Well not no one, but close to. Only people he gave this number were his co-workers and Gabe, and none of them exactly _called_ , usually they just sent texts. Castiel looked at the number and his stomach turned. He knew this number all too well, he knew it by heart since he was 11, and it was instilled in his memory. He took a deep breath: “Jack I will be in the bedroom.” He notified Jack which earned him small ‘okay’ from kid. Castiel almost ran to the room, leaving it slightly open, just in case. He answered, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. He will murder Gabriel next chance he gets.

_Castiel stood on bus station, baby Jack, not older than 10 months was cradled on his chest in warm blanket that was still smelling of Kelly. Castiel was sure to use the same softener for the effect. Clock on the station was glowing bright, numbers piercing into his eyes: 01:48. He was rocking on his feet, Jack bouncing in his arms, he begged God that he packed everything in hurry. He hoped he packed album that him and Kelly made before… before everything. He took city bus here 6 hours earlier, but there were no buses as far as he needed to go so he waited, ticket to California tight in his hand that was on Jack’s back. He had one bag at his feet, and Jack’s baby bag over his shoulder. He cried his tears long ago, though he wished he had some left. At least he could cry instead of overthink everything. This lost in thought he didn’t recognize familiar rumble of car that drove him to so many concerts when he was a teen. Only when a bit shorter man with anger of a fury stood in front of him did he notice it. He felt like he should run._

_“What the fuck little bro…”, that was all Gabe muttered before he pulled Castiel down into tight hug, baby Jack pressed between them. NOW new tears created in Castiel. He put his head on his brother’s. He will not cry. He knew why he was doing this. Who he was doing it for._

_“I promised Kelly I will keep him safe. I will do anything Gabe. Please… if you ever cared about me or Jack don’t tell them, Gabe it’s not safe for him back there”, Castiel begged, he knew if his brother made one phone call that he wouldn’t leave the state. He was practically kidnapping a child, even if it was his nephew._

_Gabriel had that… sad smile that he got when he was trying to be strong. Smile that he had when he tucked Castiel under his hand when Michael and Lucifer fought. When dad and auntie Amara got into fight. When mom and dad separated. “Cassie… I may be a fool… but I know how this would end. Poor kiddo will never be happy here. Not really. But Cassie come on. You can’t just up and leave… not… not without saying good bye. “, Gabe sounded so… defeated._

_“Michael wou---“, Castiel was cut off by Gabe’s angry interruption. “SCREW HIM”, he had that expression… that… that. “I don’t give a shit about Michael. Screw him, and Raphy and Luce. But Cassie I won’t be able to live not knowing if my favorite little bro-bro and nephew are safe”, Gabriel put his hand into pocket of his jeans. He pulled out a phone and his wallet. Castiel watched as his brother took out all of the cards and ID’s out giving Castiel wallet full of cash and a phone. Castiel was about to refuse. Phone was too risky they would track him down._

_As if he read his thoughts Gabe smiled: “It’s a new one. I just bought it at the store where I took money from my cards. Only I know the number. No one will be able to track you down. Just… take it. For the peace of your big brother’s soul. Check in every once in awhile, okay? Just take it…please… ”_

_Castiel recognized that Gabe sounded desperate, like he wished he could do more. Castiel nodded, looking down at Jack. He offered the bundle to Gabriel. He watched as Gabe took Jack, falling apart as he did. Gabriel was more excited about Jack than almost anyone. He pressed a firm kiss on baby’s head, looking at him and studying his face, knowing that if Castiel had his way this would be the last time anyone in family saw Jack._

_“You can’t tell anyone about this number Gabe. F-For our safety.” Castiel said, sternness in his voice keeping it steady._

_“Cross my heart bro-bro”, man whispered, “Only you and me.”_

“What do you want Michael? ”, Castiel asked, almost surprised at aggression in his voice as he did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I'm giving a bit of a backstory as to how Jack and Cas ended up in the shop. This story is set around 2 years after the flashback, so Jack is around 4 in this. When I first started writing it I was still not set on the timeline, so if I ever fuck the timeline up accidentally feel free to tell me so I could fix it.
> 
> Comments are love, I would love to hear your opinions, see ya next Tuesday.


	4. (not so) calm before the storm

“ **It is good to hear from you too brother. I’m glad that you decided to answer my call.** ”, Castiel really considered leaving his lunch on the floor a good possibility at that point. Given that he would rather be in court room when his parents were getting divorce. That said A LOT.

“Only reason I answered, for your information, was to tell you to fuck off and carry it on to everyone else in the family”, Castiel bit out , hatred in his voice seeping through. He knew he shouldn’t be like this. He KNEW, but lord did it feel good to tell off his big brother with bigger than thou attitude off.

“ **I will send your regards to our family. That however is not the reason I’m making this call.** “

“Then why are you? Michael I’m not in a mood to listen to you right now, or ever for that matter”, this felt… so much out of character for Castiel. Usually he was collected, with only insults being ones covered with big amount of irony and sarcasm. No. This was not some quarrel between him and Dean, this was Michael interrupting HIS peace and by that making him feel threatened, for both himself and Jack.

“ **As I am aware you do not wish us to contact you and we all respect your wish as we understand why you made… such a rash decision. Well… not really, both mother and father are trying to find you, only reason they DIDN’T yet is because Gabriel is still protecting you. He managed to convince me to join him in protecting both you and our nephew.** ”

Castiel took a shaky breath. Gabe didn’t sell him out… or at least Michael is saying he didn’t. Was Michael calling to tell him that mom and dad will find him soon?

“WHY are you calling me then Mike, I’m sure you don’t want to tall about the weather and neither do I, I got a child who should eat soon, I wish to get this over with. “, it was only partially a lie, he didn’t want to lie to Michael more than he needed to, “And this call is making me anxious, so please, could you tell me what you wanted to tell me?” Castiel admitted. No matter what happened between them Castiel knew, or at least hoped, that Michael had his best interest in mind and won’t push him into anxiety attack. His brother witnessed far too many to just cause one. Right?

“ **Of course. I apologize. I will… ‘cut to the chase’ as Gabriel would put it** ”, there was few seconds of pause before Michael spoke again, “ **They’re considering to let Lucifer go.** ”

In that simple sentence Castiel felt his whole world slowly crumble around him. Have you ever watched a movie where main character get’s those big news and suddenly they fall to their knees? Castiel was sure that if he was standing that would be best visualization of how he was feeling. Lucifer getting out was worst case scenario. Even if custody was taken from him Lucifer was ‘unhinged’ enough to report Jack missing, and then police would start looking for them. And they would find him, there are only so many Castiel’s walking around USA. Castiel was aware that Gabriel was the one protecting him from it, putting picture of how embarrassing would it be for Castiel’s face to be all around the news ‘How would it affect your candidacy, mummy dearest?’. Lucifer would request to see Jack. Their parents don’t have Jack. Mike and Gabe don’t have Jack, Raph certanly doesn’t half way across the globe being missionary. If that were the case maybe Jack and Castiel would be safer.

Castiel was tugged by almost screaming in his ear:“ **\---Cassie – shit Mike, hey Cassie can you hear me? It’s Gabe, Cassie we need you to take a deep breath.** ” And Castiel did just that, just as he was instructed he took a deep breath, looking towards the living room, he could hear Jack humming. “ **Good, that’s good. You’re on speaker Cassie, we don’t have much time, mummy and dad will be here in like 10 minutes we gotta get this over with in that time, okay?** ” Gabriel sounded so hurried in his speaking that Castiel got the urgency, despite his brain screaming at him to just shut down, hide and hope for the best he took a deep breath and with raspy and low voice answered: “What happened?”

“ **Mikey will explain , okay Cassie, he talked to Luci’s doctor** ”, soon enough there was change in voice as Gabe’s hyper voice faded away and Michael’s took presence, “ **As Gabriel said we don’t have much time, I will tell you everything that I was told. Apparently Lucifer’s doctor says he sees ‘improvement’ and ‘stabilization’ in Lucifer. He’s claiming that Lucifer would get at least a bit better with family by his side and since hospital has no visitors policy they’re letting Lucifer out with condition that he checks in with doctors at clinic.** ”

“That doesn’t make sense. Lucifer is manipulative by nature, they can’t really think…”, Castiel trailed off, chewing down on his lip, he knew someone will sit on his ass for that in the shop tomorrow, more likely than not Meg, commenting how will he kiss his boyfriend if his lips are like sandpaper. Focus.

“ **They said they’re certain that he is stable enough to be let out into the public. I asked. Listen Castiel. We know we’re not in good relationship, I understand why you took Jack and ran. I am sorry for not supporting your decision earlier little brother, but we must put it aside for Jack’s well being.** ”

“I am not coming back there. I’m not telling you where I am Michael”, Castiel momentarily took defensive stance.

“ **Of course not, we want to start a process of making you... Jack’s legal guardian, pass full custody to you, that way Lucifer will have no entitlement to look for him.** ”

This caught Castiel off guard. Why would his brothers just... give him custody, well offer, topic of their mother and father giving guardianship up was whole another. He cleared his throat: “You would just make mom and dad give it up? Michael they won’t do it, they would lure me out and accuse me of kidnapping my own nephew. They would take Jack away from me.”

“ **I will defend you and you will find lawyer you trust so that I can’t trick you. I know you’re wary of us Castiel, that’s good. You will need witness accounts. Jack will also have to talk to the judge. Your history doesn’t help you in this case, but it can work.** ”

“So... basically i’m stuck between rock and a hard place, if I’m understanding what you’re trying to tell me Michael?”, Castiel bit out, previous rage coming back to him, “I will put myself AND Jack out there. On what? HOPE? They will take him away from me. Then what? You think mom and dad would, God forbid, listen? They would fill a restriction order right that moment to keep me away, you know this.”

“ **So you want Lucifer to find you, and you know he will, and finish the job? Drown Jack in sink of your house then slash your throat open? How is Jack being with mom and dad worse than that? I do not want to bury my brothers and nephew. And you know Lucifer. He wouldn’t think twice.** ”

Castiel took a deep breath, it hitched a bit. Michael was telling the truth, Castiel knew all of this. Even though he whispered out softer than he thought was humanly possible for his voice: “Just... I will think about it. I will call you, I promise. I just... let me think about it. Just for a day or two. I promise I will call Mikey.” Castiel couldn’t mind childish nickname as it slipped past his lips.

“ **...Alright little brother, I will await your call. We will keep you informed** ”, when Michael apparently cut off Castiel heard Gabe whisper, “ **Bye bye Cassie... I’m sorry.** ” Castiel barely caught the last part as line just cut. Castiel stared at his cell for some time, deep breath in, one out. He jumped from the bed, throwing the phone away like it was on fire before rushing outside to the living room. Some might think that what he needed was a time to think, but he couldn’t.

Castiel rushed to Jack, picking boy up and cradling him against his chest to boy’s surprise. Castiel was kneeling on the floor with him, his head over Jack’s, trying to shield him, hoping that him alone would be enough to protect Jack from the upcoming storm. Jack made confused grunting noise, re-arranging himself in hold and hugging Castiel around the neck. He heard that Jack whispered ‘’s okay if you have nightmares, you can borrow my plushie’ and it was so innocent, so filled with promise and love that Castiel wanted to really cry. Even though he knew he couldn’t, not in front of Jack, it was a nice thought, having shoulder to cry on in moments like this.


	5. sleepless nights

That night after they ate Castiel put Jack in his lap and told him stories, ones that Michael and Lucifer told him, until he fell asleep. With Jack tightly clenched on his chest, all windows and doors locked and safe he fell asleep.

_ “Did you really think that you would be able to run Cassie? So stupid… so naïve. You really thought that you could protect him? “, voice haunted him. Castiel was trying to run towards the room at the end of loopy corridor. Jack was just there, standing on the doors. Castiel tried to call out to him, but as he did water surged behind Jack and locked them both, filling the corridor. Jack doesn’t know how to swim. Jack doesn’t like water. Jack-- _

He woke up somehow, his breathing was fast as he looked down to check on Jack, he adjusted him in his arms even though he was sprawled all over Castiel. He slowly curled up in fetal position around Jack, arranging him so he was spooning the boy and protecting him with his own body. He remembered his teenage years where he complained about not dreaming, or well, at least not remembering what he dreamt of. Now he wanted to kick himself.

In the morning Castiel woke up and checked the time on his phone, but also message that Anna sent him that Balthazar was up. She said something about jet leg and that man had very weird sleeping schedule. Slowly, sure not to wake Jack he got up and went about his routine. When everything was set he sat down on the chair, dialing the number Anna gave him.

“ **Balthazar Milton on the phone.** “, Castiel analyzed sing-song voice that rang out in his ear. It had British accent, you almost couldn’t place that he was born in West end.

“Hello, I’m Castiel, Anna gave me the number she said you wouldn’t mind watching my nephew. I know you don’t know me and that I’m asking a lot of you but my baby sitter can’t watch him and Anna said that you wouldn’t mind”, he tried to explain as fast as possible, still not really sure that he wasn’t putting his responsibility on other man.

“ **Oh yeah, don’t worry kid, you can drop him off at Anna’s, I’m great with kiddos. Anna told me all about your work time and I’m okay watching him. I can give you a few numbers to call, you know vet me and what not.** ”

“I-It’s alright, you’re doing me a huge favor, I can pay you, it won’t be much, but—“

“ **Don’t even think about it kid, I will see you soon. Ciao**.”

Call was cut and Castiel had his doubts about how this man will affect Jack, but given that Castiel’s family isn’t the most normal one in the first place it can’t be that bad. He trusted Anna wouldn't hurt Jack. When Jack was up and done with their routine Castiel put him on his bike and took him to Anna’s house. He’s been over a few times when Anna was sick and he brought her medicine she asked for.

Castiel took Jack off his bike and let him run to the doors first. Castiel explained that since Becky can’t be there Anna’s brother will be watching him. Jack liked Anna, so in his mind Anna’s brother also meant someone nice. Though, in Jack’s mind everyone was nice. Castiel was very glad that boy wasn’t as introverted as Kelly, he liked playing with everyone and anyone. They knocked and soon enough man a bit shorter than Castiel opened, lazy smile spread across his face.

“Hi there, you must be Cassie, Anna told me a lot about you. Then this isss… Jack, am I getting that right? “, man had huge smile as he extended hand down to Jack. Boy nodded, taking hand eagerly shaking it. Castiel got laid back feeling from Balthazar. He reminded him of Gabriel, in a sense. Somehow that made him a bit safer.

“Thank you so much for watching him, I must get to work, if there is any problem whatsoever you can call me at any time. Here’s list of his allergies and anything that might go wrong in that sense, if you can’t reach me, which will only happen if someone sniped me you can call the shop and tell anyone who answers the phone”, Castiel explained, reaching to give man the list, but stopping himself to look around uncomfortably, “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Do I look like man that does something that he doesn’t want to?”, Balthazar tugged list from his hand, making a waving motion, “Shoo now, us cool kids want to be alone without your adult presence. You can come pick him up at 19:00, by then sayonara.”

Jack giggled next to Balthazar, already taking liking to the man. He hugged Castiel’s legs before going to his side and firmly taking as much fingers as he could grasp into his hand. Castiel just smiled before leaning down to kiss Jack’s head and leaving on his bike. God knows Dean will complain if he’s late, god forbid.

When he locked his bike by the shop Dean was already waiting, leaning onto his pride and joy, ’67 Chevy Impala. Castiel was never a kid who was much into car’s but he could get the appeal, car was shining clean. Castiel looked at Dean’s combination of the day, it was... tamer than it was most days. Well save for face that had black eyeliner smudged around the eyes, other than that it was pretty tame. Dean wore something that seemed like pj pants with hot dogs and another shirt in basic yellow colour with writing: ‘1+1=3 if you don’t use a condom’.

Castiel went to the car, giving a light laugh: “That statement is wrong because what if you have twins, isn’t that 1+1=4?”

“Man don’t go Sam on me”, Dean complained with playful roll of his eyes, looking down at his shirt.

Castiel just shrugged, walking around Impala to take shot gun. He put on his seat belt, which caused Dean to laugh as he entered and started the car. Castiel loved Dean’s laugh, it was so nice, especially when he laughed in the back of his throat, then you could see his Adam’s apple move and his mouth show small dimples. Sides of his eyes also wrinkled, but it was mostly when he laughed out loud.

“Cas, last time someone looked at me like that I got laid”, Dean teased, which made Castiel catch himself Staring. It was VERY bad habit of his, ever since he was a kid he used to stare at people.

Castiel just blushed, looking towards the window, as if Dean would even try to have sex with him. Or anything for that matter. As far as Castiel knew Dean usually only had one night stands, that ought to make interesting work place. There was this time when Dean and Anna slept together and they teased the hell out of each other, now not that Castiel didn’t appreciate a little teasing, but it would be very uncomfortable. Especially since Castiel really liked LIKED Dean.

“Just kidding Cas”, Dean gave another laugh, which Castiel returned, last thing he wanted was for Dean to think he was angry.

They arrived at farmer’s market in 10 minutes. It was a question should they separate, but they settled on going to gather so they wouldn’t have to buy shit on 10 different places if they could be done in 2. While Dean was talking about cost of things, because of course he was, Castiel was choosing what they will buy. Bobby gave Dean both money and list so that they would know what to buy. Dean was listing off to him as he choose crates that he found okay. When all was said and done Dean opened his wallet to pay and Castiel noticed something. It was picture of kid not older than 18, with childish smile and icing on his cheek. There was a light bulb that went of in Castiel’s brain and he looked over at Dean. He waited for him to pay before asking anything.

“Hey Dean?”, Castiel asked at Dean stacked three crates of whatever vegetables in his hands.

“’sup Cas, ya need anything for you and Jack here?”, Dean asked, taking few crates himself and starting to walk towards Impala.

“No... not really, it’s more of a personal question... You said you got custody over your little brother, right?”, Castiel asked almost too quiet, as if he was scared that someone was listening in to their conversation.

“... yeah? What’s up Cas? Why are you asking?”, Dean asked as he opened the trunk, concern clear and showing on his face as he scanned Castiel’s. Well here goes nothing. Castiel knew he would tell his co workers, there were no secrets at small shop, they were like family. It was still weird.

“Let’s... i’ll tell you on ride back”, Castiel said, putting crates inside of the car and slowly walking over to sit. Dean just nodded at him before walking over too and sitting in the car. He started the engine, lowering music so Castiel would have his undevided attention. Castiel leaned against the window, looking absently at scenery around them before he started talking


	6. scotswoman's advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay I will put a TRIGGER WARNING here for Physical Child Abuse. I will mark where explicit part starts, it's only a paragraph after TW mark, but most chapter is about it, i will put the summary of it at the end in notes.

“Damn Cas... you really got yourself deep in that shit, don’t ya? “, Dean gave out a dry laugh as they sat in Impala. They’ve both been quiet for the past minute or so, neither of them getting out of the car even though they’ve been in shop’s parking lot for the past 10 minutes.

Castiel nodded, twirling shirt around his fingers: “Yes. So... would you tell me? How... did you get custody over your brother?”

Castiel was looking at Dean with his head cocked on side, almost completely turned. He watched Dean suck in a deep breath, before he looked deep into Cas’ eyes: “I’m not nearly drunk enough for that story, wow. Okay.” Dean laughed again, this time Castiel managed to mark it as nervous habit, rather than simple laugh out of humor.

“Okay Cas. Not sure how this will help, but take anything you can out of it, you need some context to get why judge gave scrawny 18 year old custody. So you know how Sammy’s like 10 years younger than me? He was accidental kid, product of neighborhood party where my folks got drunk, really. Well our mum died when Sammy was 6 months, our family lived in more... messy part of the town, there was gang war, like there was everywhere at the time. Someone threw those bomb like things, ya know? From the movies? With like bottle and cloth... It... that shit fell into Sammy’s nursery.”, Dean looked like he was awake but having a nightmare, like it was happening before him just that moment, “Ma and I were putting Sammy to sleep, dad was already passed out in the arm chair downstairs. That thing fell right next to her legs when she was turning the lights off, it caught her sleeping gown. She started screaming and... and dad came up. He shoved Sammy in my arms and told me to run... keep him safe... I did... I didn’t expect that order to carry on after that night. I was just a kid you know? But from that moment I knew I will do anything to keep him safe. Just to keep HIM safe.”

Castiel was about to tell Dean that he doesn’t have to keep talking, apologize for even asking, but Dean continued on: “I don’t remember much from first few weeks... i was in shock, but when I came to... everything was HELL. If you asked my dad he would tell you that he and ma had perfect marriage... even though that was... well that was just bullshit. They fought, a lot. Dad drank, even then. But when ma died? He went batshit crazy.”

**!!!TW!!!**

“He would throw bottles around, yell around the house about revenge and whatnot. It... he never hit us, he was just sad old man that fixed cars for some money and worked as nightguard, well, until this one night when I was 18... It was May of that year. I can remember it so vividly, even now. I came into the house after school, Sammy stayed home that day he was down with a fever. I came into the house and hear crash... then I hear Sammy screaming on top of his lungs from the kitchen. I run in there and my little brother is on the floor, there is blood under his feet and he is hiding in the corner. I look over, from the living room my father is rushing towards him. Good thing that old man was drunk that day. I hid Sammy behind me, kicking glass that I could with my foot away from him. “, Dean stopped in his track to take a deep breath, then continued, “I stand there. My dad is rushing towards me. He’s waving his fist, screaming something about ‘if it wasn’t for you’. He stands in front of me and tries to shove past me, get to Sammy. He screamed at me for some time, and then I felt back of his hand on my face. It hurt so fucking much, he still wore ring, it made my lip bleed. I wold fall into shock, but if I did he would get to Sammy, he was so small back then, not giant like now. I... I took ... something... i don’t even know what... and hit him over the ribs with it. Moment he was down I had Sammy in my arms and I was running.

Sammy was screaming, crying, asking what’s wrong. I just threw him in back seat of Impala, told him it will be okay, jumped in myself and drove... I must have fucked up several laws because I was out of Lawrence in 10 minutes. I call my ma’s friend, Rowena and... and I tell her what happened. Her and her son drove for 18 hours straight to get to us. Only reason why I had a lawyer was because they both worked for lawyer’s office, this small place here in town. We settled in a hotel with them and... god... I could barely say two words to them, I was terrified.” Dean lifted his head to look at Castiel, tracing other mans face to see any bit of discomfort or pity there, instead there was... some kind of admiration.

“Ya know what Rowena told me? ‘If ye blether lik' that whin ye'r in court, thay wull tak' yer wee brother away.’ That woman looked me straight in the eyes and told me that. She told me... her and Crowley would take the case, but if I can’t say what happened... there’s nothing they can do. I was the only witness. Rowena and Crowley started the process right away, because of allegations Sammy was allowed to be put under her care until case was over. I stood there on 6th of January, still snot nosed kid, I spoke for 2 hours looking my father straight into the eyes. I got custody. Crowley told me they wouldn’t have allowed it, but I brought jury to tears. I fled with Sam two weeks after, moving from place to place until I... I stumbled here. Bobby gave me this job, let Sammy stay in the backroom. Anna, she was still a student then, always packed ‘bought too many notebooks’ or ‘had Balthazar’s too small clothes’ for Sammy. Rowena helped me out. She gave me a place to stay, some of client owned it, she didn’t take money from him and he let Sammy and me stay. “, Dean finally finished, letting out a breath and looking at the shop with some kind of admiration on his face.

“You don’t want to lose Jack? You will go to court and you will tell them why you’re the best option he has. You will explain why you fled with him. You will tell them the whole sob story, start to finish. You will need good lawyers, so hope that Michael is as good as he thinks he is and... if you don’t trust him I will talk to Sammy.”, Dean put hand on Castiel’s shoulder, running it over his neck, “We will help you anyway we can.”

“Dean...”, Castiel started, but he didn’t know what to say. Dean brought up those terrible memories just to help him. To lay things out for him.

“ I know buddy, it’s a lot to take in, and don’t even think about thanking me, there was a time when I needed help, now it’s my turn to offer it”, Dean said, pulling Castiel in for a hug, patting him on the back.

Castiel clung onto Dean, grabbing back of his shirt and just hiding his face. Castiel finally understood why Dean was so set on helping him and Jack. Dean was exactly where Castiel is now. Fighting for his family, trying to get lunch on the table every day. He understood how everyone was so natural in the way that they accepted both him and Jack. Maybe it will be okay. Though there was something poking in Castiel’s brain. What if he didn’t get custody in time? What if Lucifer got to him and Jack? What kept Castiel sane, in that one moment was Dean’s aftershave that filled his head, and press of Impala’s leather on his hand.

Castiel whispered, even if against Dean’s wishes, quiet: “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas are still in the car, Dean tells Cas how he saved Sam from John and gives him piece of advice that Rowena (old family friend) gave him. He tells Cas that only way that he will keep Jack is if he pours his heart our basically.
> 
> Comments are love and keep me inspired, i'm always open for suggestions and theories where the story will go.


	7. cupcakes and pies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter but also a bit of a bigger Destiel thingy, but as it is John has to ruin shit.

Rest of the day was... un-eventful since day was slow, and by time Castiel picked Jack up it was already around 20:00, which meant that in hour Jack would be fast asleep and once again Castiel will be left to his own... mess. He contacted Michael and told him what he planned to do. They both agreed about Castiel’s location being secret to anyone besides Castiel and authorized personal, because Castiel might have accepted that his family gets involved in his custody battle, but there was no way in hell he trusted them. No one guaranteed him that after Lucifer was removed from Jack’s life for good they won’t try to take Jack away. And his family had what was needed to do so. He wasn’t going to risk Jack’s safety, even if it meant literally staying up all nights thinking. He took that time to do his accounting work under flashlight of his phone while Jack slept cuddled on his chest.

Some time in the night Dean sent him a text that he talked to Sam and told him what they needed him for and young lawyer agreed to help, he told him they would pass it through as him interning with Michael. After some time, passing messages Sam asked Castiel for Michael’s number which he gave right away, knowing that Sam would better understand anything Michael had to ask better than Castiel. That left Castiel and Dean just... waiting around for the next few days... Meg was coming in around 15:00, Charlie was visiting her mother and Anna had somethings she wanted to do while Balthazar was still in town to watch her dog, so she was out of town for the next two days. All of that meant that only people in shop at that moment were Castiel and Dean, with excuse of Bobby who was upstairs in apartment, but it didn’t count.

“Hey Cas?”, Dean mumbled, resting head on his hand and giving out a small yawn of boredom, he probably wanted to just brush his hands all over his face but that would smear make up all over it.

“What is it Dean?”, Castiel asked calmly, counting money that customer gave him and just putting money from the afternoon rush in right order, when rush started they just took money and shoved it into the drawer on their side of the booth.

“Just... wondering, Charlie asked me about going to last day of Pride with her, and like she will go with that cute girl that works in bakery down the street—“, before Dean could finish his sentence he was literally cut off by Castiel turning around and looking Dean deep into his eyes. Castiel NEVER cut people off, but Charlie was still a... a baby! There were two ‘girls that work in bakery down the street’, one Castiel knew, she was Meg’s older step-sister Ruby that Castiel really REALLY didn’t like. She creeped him out and she creeped Jack out, and when someone creeped Jack out they were bad person. Period. Jack liked everyone and anyone.

“Which girl?”, Castiel asked turning around and slamming the drawer as he bored into Dean’s eyes.

“The cute one, ya know? The one that dresses like ‘50s lady? Not Ruby, give Charlie some credit here, she would never go with her, and if she would I would rather lock her up than let her go out with RUBY.”, Dean made sound of disgust shaking off. As much as they all liked Meg, Ruby was... not their favorite person in the world. There was one time that Ruby slept with Sam and from what Dean told her their break up wasn’t the calmest. Which resulted in pretty much everyone putting Ruby on their ‘god please get hit by a truck’ list. Castiel just hated her.

“Oooh you mean Dorothy, yeah okay. I won’t be getting my holy water. Maybe she can get us some cupcakes, ya know the ones that disappear before our shift ends?”, Castiel said, just giving a smile, before carefully opening the drawer as if nothing happened.

“Or pies, that girl makes mean apple pie, I would trade my leg for it, cross my heart”, Dean joked, taking some cucumber slice from the station and putting it in his mouth, “Anyways, meant to ask you if you would go with me, I don’t really want to be a third wheel there. I get it if you don’t want to, with up coming custody and babysitter situation, though Jack could TOTALLY come with us, people bring kids all the time.” Dean was babbling, moving his hands around. Both of them were bi, even though Dean was MUCH more open about it, coming to work with badges or anything other that represented their flag. At first day of the month he marched in with his phone blasting bisexual anthem which left everyone rolling on the floor, besides few old folk who were mildly disturbed, but didn’t say anything, just taking their orders and leaving. Few girls at one of the tables started laughing and even joined in on Dean’s singing.

And now Dean was asking him on a date. Maybe a date? It could just really be Dean needed someone so he wouldn’t need to go alone, or well, third wheel. That seemed like a perfect date, if they were a couple. Castiel was aware that he wasn’t bad looking, maybe Dean wanted to be seen with someone not bad looking? Though Castiel immediately kicked himself for that thought. Dean came into the shop looking all sorts of fucked up and crazy, he would never judge people on their appearance. Before anxiety attack came rushing through Castiel decided to just go with it. He didn’t think that should be a problem. He didn’t plan to isolate Jack from LGBT community like his parents isolated him, even if his dad was part of it. He wanted Jack to know that it was okay, and even though Castiel was not as much going to the pride type, that would be a good experience. Castiel remembered that first time he started thinking about community he was part of now, it was in middle school when some of his classmates went in a fight with their art professor about how ‘why did it matter?’ This would be nice experience to write about when he goes back to school.

“I would love to go with you, though I don’t know how well Jack will do in such crowd, we might have to explain to Charlie that Jack and I might have to go earlier.” Castiel said, earnestly. He assured himself that he was accepting it purely for Jack, but he could tell that somewhere in his mind he was also having more selfish reasons.

“Man we will be lucky if they stick with us for 10 minutes”, Dean laughed, patting Castiel’s back, “This means a lot to me, i would have to sit next to them making out the whole day.”

Castiel squeaked out a quick: ‘no problem!’ that was covered by his yelp of Dean slapping him on the back.

They continued to ‘dick around’ until Meg came around, joining in on their discussion. Dean was pretty set on his theory that if Downey’s Sherlock and BBC Sherlock went into fight Downey’s would win. Meg disagreed and just looked like him like he was a complete idiot, though Meg looked at Dean that was on good days. On bad ones she just didn’t speak to any of them.

Next to drop by was Balthazar, Jack settled on his shoulders, his small hands messing up spiky hair that Balthazar had going on. Jack was going on about how awesome it was at the beach, even though Castiel knew they weren’t AT the beach, because he told Balthazar he was reluctant about letting Jack that close to water. Not sure for whose safety, but better safe than sorry. Balthazar took him to the aquarium, since Jack was talking about zoo, but small city didn’t have capacity for it. Over the week and a half that Balthazar was watching Jack it was amazing. Jack loved him, excited and hyper every morning to go see him.

“DA! WE SAW THESE BIG BIG FISHIES, LIKE BIG LIKE ME!”, Jack was almost yelling as Balthazar passed him off to Castiel, other man catching him with expert hands.

“Is that so buddy? They must have been SO big”, Castiel said looking into Jack’s huge eyes that radiated with joy as he spoke.

“Hey Jack, think they would let us sushi one of them?”, Dean joked, bringing Jack’s eyes into anger as he went in rant, as much as kid his age could go into rant.

“Dean that’s mean! We don’t eat fishies in aquarium! Anna said so! Lucky has been bad and tried to eat fishies in aquarium and Balthy yelled ‘no no bad Lucky, don’t eat fishies!’”, Jack explained all animated as he was, waving his hands around. Meg made a chuckling sound as she passed Balthazar one of the sandwiched and man thanked her.

They were talking and laughing that anyone barely noticed when Dean who was playing with Jack behind Castiel’s back answered his phone and started talking.

Every chatter died down when Dean yelled, in voice so unfamiliar to anyone’s ears: “WHAT?”

Only because Castiel was close he could hear panicked words that were lined with crying voice: “Dad is in town Dee, he knows where I live. Dean he knows where I live!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, let me know what you think in the comments, i'd love to hear your opinion


	8. pimp mobiles and baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's basically angst paced with fluff, that's it

Shock on Dean’s face rivaled anger in his voice. Castiel watched as Dean’s usually so brave and sure face slipped into something that Castiel couldn’t quite point. He listened as Dean spoke, he guessed he noticed panic in his voice only because he could see his face. He slowly passed Jack to Balthazar, motioning to water tap with his hand, so Meg would give Dean some water. He pressed hand on Dean’s chest, to push him towards the chair in which he fell.

“Hey Sammy, SAM. It’s okay, it will be okay. Listen to me here baby brother. You pack a backpack, you take any money you have and pull all money you have on your account. Rent a room in that motel at the edge of the town, under my name, okay? Say you’re renting it out for your brother, okay? Give them your ID. No---Sam no, he won’t. It will be okay Sammy. Yes. Yes. You WAIT for me there. Don’t go out, don’t do ANYTHING, just wait. Don’t use your bus card, just pay for the bus and get to the motel okay? Good. Good man. Yes. Goodbye Sammy, see you soon... me too.”, Castiel couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, but he noticed Dean’s tone softening before he ended the call. Meg put glass to his lips when he made no motion to do it himself before she did, from there he caught it and gulped it down. As he put it down he was already on his feet, almost tripping over them.

“I gotta—I gotta go. You tell Bobby. Say it’s Sammy emergency, I gotta drive down to Palo Alto, I gotta get to him.”, Dean spoke frantically and Castiel was glad that Balthazar was with Jack, pointing at the cars outside.

“Dean—No Dean. No. You can’t POSSIBLY think you can drive in this state.”, Castiel insisted, taking Dean’s hand into him, effectively stopping him from moving. Both of them had some muscle mass on their bodies, so he wasn’t surprised in ability to slow younger man down.

Dean looked into his eyes with sudden fury, Castiel had a bit of a hard time not taking it personally. He got why Dean was as protective as he was, Sam was like a kid to Dean. And even now Castiel knew that Jack could be 30 and he would still be a baby in Castiel’s eyes. “Castiel with all due respect, fuck off this is none of your business. I have to GO. Sammy is in danger, you don’t know how unhinged John is. FUCK. He could kill him Cas. I told him he won’t, I told him he will be okay—“, Dean was gasping for breath, making Castiel connect the dots to sort of panic attack. Castiel slowly pulled Dean into his embrace. Expecting aggression, but all he got was few wiggles, here and there, flapping of hands before same hands found themselves in back of Castiel’s shirt.

“Dean you will be no good to Sam if you get off the road of run yourself into panic attack on the road, you’re in no state to be driving, especially in this heat”, Castiel stated, firmly standing his ground as Dean rested against him.

“Not like I can wait for bus Cas. Sam could be half way across our dear country by then”, Dean tried to joke but it was weak attempt, Castiel, however didn’t take it against him.

Instead he looked over at Jack. He knew boy would get restless in long drive, but then again, when Jack was a baby, before Lucifer completelly flipped out, only thing that put him to sleep when he woke up screaming was low sound of Castiels ‘pimp mobile’ as Gabriel dubbed it or Lucifer’s old truck.It was 6 hour ride to Palo Alto if they took less busy roads. Castiel took in a deep breath, hoping he wasn’t making too rushed decision: “I will drive you. You’re in no state to be driving.” Castiel stood by what he said earlier.

Dean’s head shop up in shock, before he mumbled: “You got a kid, don’t think Balthazar can handle him for 6 hours and you don’t have a car.”

“Jack will be coming with us and maybe I don’t, but you do”, he stated matter of factly, looking into Dean’s eyes, pretty sure that if he looked any more he would see Dean’s soul.

“Cas I don’t even let SAMMY drive my baby”, Dean said, backing up, crossing his hands like pouty 6 year old.

“I am capable of driving a Chevy, fuck you very much. And it’s not up for discussion. Either you agree or I’ll tie you to a chair”, it was an empty threat, and both of them KNEW it was, but somehow it made Dean deflate, looking down. There was a mumbled ‘okay’, to which Castiel nodded. “We just gotta drop by my apartment to grab Jack’s bag, and we will be on our way.”, all he got was another nod, “Meg you got this? I’m so sorry we’re leaving you alone, I will make it up to you, I promise.”

Meg made a shoo motion: “Don’t sweat it unicorn, go see if Sammy is okay. Lord knows this will be like graveyard if something happens to him.” Even though clinic tone there was concern that laced her voice as she watched him slowly take Jack from Balthazar.

“I could watch him you know?”, Balthazar said, playing with Jack’s hand, making boy giggle.

“Nah... it will be fine, he likes driving anyways.”, it was also partially truth. Jack really did like it, but Castiel also didn’t want Jack anywhere where he couldn’t get in ten minutes, “You do, don’t you Jack? And Dean’s car is SO shiny, you know.” Castiel entertained Jack, snatching keys from Dean’s jacket so that man wouldn’t take off the moment he wasn’t looking.

“YES. Can I sit on the front seat? Can I da!?”, Jack asked, his mind not able to grasp the idea that something was wrong. Castiel smiled sadly: “We will see if Dean will allow you to occupy his lap while I drive, okay?” Jack just nodded excitedly. They waited at the doors for Dean to hug Meg, burying his head in her hair, he got pat on the back from Balthazar before he joined them at the doors. Without saying a word he went for Impala, plopping himself into her. Castiel sighed, this will be long week, he could feel it. Though it wasn’t that he was complaining, Dean needed support, and Castiel will offer as much as he can. He just waved to Meg and Balthazar, slowly getting into Impala. He put Jack into the backseat, pulling phone out of his pocked and entering some game on it, before he handed it to Jack. While he didn’t really like to distract Jack in such way, it was better than him begging Dean to sit up front. Even if Cas knew he had no reason to fear Dean would yell at Jack there was this irrational thought poking at his brain which made him tiny bit paranoid

They drove in silence, usual music that was always heard from Dean’s car was nowhere to be seen as Dean watched houses that they were passing. He seemed deep in thought that Castiel felt sorry when he shook Dean’s shoulder to give him notice that they were at apartment. Dean’s head jumped a bit as he looked frantically around, then he calmed. There was another whisper of more like someone breathed out: “Thanks Cas...” Dean slowly got out, smiling at Jack and reaching for the boy and pulling him out the window. Castiel would have laughed at that if situation wasn’t like it was. He noticed Dean pulling Jack close enough to smell him, though he seemed to do it without thinking. Jack still did have baby like scent, Castiel was often calmed by Jack being close, maybe Dean’s subconscious was doing the same too. Jack laughed and giggled, not minding contact one bit.

Castiel let them into the apartment, Impala’s keys safely in his pocket. He took Jack’s bag and threw in some more baby wipes. With that he was pretty much settled, as he turned to Dean he saw man looking like he needed one more moment before asking something so Castiel gave him a moment before asking: “Everything okay Dean?”

“Yeah.. think... ya think I could borrow pair of your jeans? I got some flannels in the trunk, but most of my jeans are... discussable nature.”, Castiel couldn’t point moment since he stepped foot into the city that he saw Dean seem so uncomfortable in his own skin, but he did, and Castiel would do anything and everything in his power to help fix that.

Despite him telling himself that he should tell Dean that there is nothing wrong with the way he was dressed he cleared his throat and dryly pulled one pair of his pants that he knew for a fact had a bit longer pants: “Sure thing Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments, i would love to hear your opinion!


	9. kilts and polka dot dresses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boys set off on their way to palo alto. castiel is driving and jack is baby boy. finally kelly kline is introduced properly into the story.

Dean changed into those pants in time it took Castiel to throw some more pants and shirts into another bag.

“Jack, what do you think about going on a road trip to meet Dean’s brother, hm?”, Castiel asked boy sweetly, looking as he packed few toys into his bag, trying to stuff as many of them as he could.

“Is he nice like Dean?”, Jack asked, anxiously fiddling with his shirt. Castiel never spoke ill of his own brothers, but he made sure that Jack knew that they existed and they couldn’t be together because they disagreed about some aspects of Jack’s raising.

Castiel staged thinking about it deeply. He knew he could have just said yes, because everyone said that Sam was sweetheart, though he then remembered Dean’s love of talking about his little brother, and decided to leave it to dean: “Hmm... I’m uncertain, how about you ask Dean in the car, he knows him the best, right?” To this he got confirming nod and huge smile spread on his lips.

Dean re-appeared soon after, looking extremely uncomfortable in his own skin. Ever since Castiel came he never saw Dean wear normal pants. Never, he once saw him wear kilt, but not normal pants, they all came down to his shins and no lower.

“We good to go?”, Castiel asked, knowing Dean was buzzing to just get to Sam. He was met with frantic nodding, his pants folded over his arm. He went and took Jack’s hand, reaching down and picking him up with one arm. Jack excitedly made small noise, hugging around Dean’s neck.

“Love you too buddy”, Dean laughed, even though he didn’t look like he was in the mood for laughing. He slowly walked down to Impala, leaving Castiel to check once more all the lights and the stove. He knew he could trust Meg to explain them running out like that. Once everything was checked over and all window shields were put down he left locking the doors behind him, his bag over his shoulder. He went into the Impala, settling into the driver’s seat. He was so glad he was not much shorter than Dean was. Jack was settled on Dean’s lap, kneeling between them and looking out of the window. Dean was slowly petting his back, smiling at excited face tiredly. Dean noticed him staring and turned to look at him: “Hey—Sorry, I can pass him back into the backseat—“

Castiel just waved his hand, making a shaking motion with his head as he did so: “You’re good, he likes being able to see the road, just hold him tightly, don’t want him to try and become stunt double at such a young age, you know.” Castiel attempted to make a joke, though he didn’t get to hear the laugh he was so used to it was okay, it was still a small smile. Not wanting to waste anymore time he started the car getting them on the road. He heard soft Led Zeppelin playing in the background.

After, evidently Jack got bored of looking out of the window he settled leaning his back on Dean filling the car with chatter. “Dean, is your brother nice like you?”, Jack asked, looking up, his hands grabbing onto Dean’s hand to play with his fingers.

There was evident laugh let out as Dean nodded: “He’s even nicer than me. Sammy is amazing buddy. He loves kids. He helps kids, you know?”

Jack’s eyes sparkled, somehow Castiel knew that Jack will be one of those kids going out in the street with huge boards protesting over one thing or the other. He got all of his mothers empathy and love, Kelly always said that Jack will be a good soul. He even outdid that, he was more amazing than Castiel could have hoped for.

“Really!?”, Jack turned around and Dean expertly positioned him in his arms so he wasn’t in any danger if Castiel hit the brakes suddenly.

“Yeah... There was this one girl that had VERY bad parents, they said horrible things about her. Sammy managed to get her to safety. Sammy is so amazing buddy, you will adore him”, Dean spoke with such a pride in his voice that Castiel felt proud. It was very evident that Dean loved his brother very much... what a nice thought. Castiel’s thoughts, while still on the road, wandered off. There was a time when he would have been talked about like that in his family. Though that was so, so long ago.

_It was warm summer and by tradition, every summer, parents of the Shurley family would pack their things and go to rest from 5 kids they had waiting at home for them. That usually meant that Mika and Luke were the ones watching them. Though then 15 year old Castiel didn’t see the need to. Him, Raph and Gabe were doing amazingly. Well... more him and Gabe, since Raph was already starting her training to become a priest. Nonetheless younger siblings were left in care of the older ones that came back from school for summer. Luke always came earlier, because he was always the one that would just get his studies out of the way as fast as possible and pass exams just as easy. Dad often called him natural genius, which was the reason that he was allowed to pick a school he wished. In the end he entered Kings College and went to English Literature, though he gave in to his mothers pleas to minor in Business, just for family’s sake. That was when he met Kelly Kline, brilliant girl that was amazing in everything she did, or so Castiel heard over the phone when Luke got to talking about her. He was head over heels for the girl, and everyone in family was happy for him. For years his parents were convinced that Lucifer, as family called him, was gay._

_Lucifer stumbled into the house chattering, just hearing his voice made Gabe’s head shoot up from the armchair where he was eating cookies that were made the night before. Castiel followed suit, letting his newest Harry Potter book fall onto the floor while he almost tripped over blankets that were wrapped up all around his legs._

_Fifteen year old made a loud sound, going into his brother’s arms: “LUCE!” He jumped on Lucifer, wrapping his hands and legs around him in process._

_“HI THERE CASSIE! You gotten so big!”, Lucifer exclaimed, pure happiness crossing his face as he let go of his bag to better support Castiel’s weight, smiling Castiel just buried his head close to blond hair._

_“I didn’t, you just didn’t see me since FOREVER”, Castiel made his point before Gabe rushed in to jump on Lucifer as well. There was exclamation of surprise, but they were both caught in their brother’s hands, secure._

_Gabe went on fast rant about how Lucifer was neglecting his brotherly duties because SOMEONE had to give ‘Cassie’ the Talk. That was different time, Castiel first experience with any sort of pornography was finding magazine that belonged to their father under Lucifer’s bed where his little friend spider went. After few moments of bickering that were lost in Castiel’s memory he was let down and finally fully noticed another silhouette that stood next to Lucifer’s bag._

_Gabe seemed to catch on as well, as he cocked his head too, Castiel to this day doesn’t know if he was just imitating him to make fun of his tick or he honestly did that too when his guard was off._

_Lady before Castiel was beautiful. She had brown hair that was neatly brushed and held down by headband. There was a pair of sunglasses tucked in her dress. It seemed so silky. It probably was silk, by the way it fell. It reminded him of his mother’s ‘Sunday best’ because of pretty white polka dots on cream colours. Her face carried such nurturing energy and protectiveness. Even to this day, that was how Castiel remembered her, because her voice last time he heard it was as gracious as it was the first time when she spoke._

_“Hello, I’m Luke’s girlfriend, Kelly Kline, I’m so happy to finally meet you.”_

And how much Castiel wished she turned back and ran for the doors. Maybe she would still be so gracious... when his little flashback ended. Making his mind forget his caring brother, one who welcomed him with spread arms, he noticed they were well away from their town. Chatter has died down and Jack was resting on Dean’s hand, looking for some contact so he could peacefully take a nap.

Dean also seemed like he was dozing off with his head gently pressed onto the window, looking as they started seeing less and less structures. That was good. Sun was slowly setting. They would be in Palo Alto around 04:00, if they didn’t get into any rush. He hoped that Dean will stay calm as he was now until then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kelly is finally introduced, later on after this 'arc' of the story there will be a lot of moments with her.  
> i hope you liked this chapter and decide to leave a comment.  
> if you hated it still leave a comment with ideas how to improve it.


	10. glasses and drunken nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas are on the road and have teeny tiny heart to heart before shit hits the fan with one face time call.

Few hours passed peacefully, Castiel was drumming his fingers against the wheel to the beat on the radio, calmly driving down the road. He forgot how peaceful driving actually was. Dean was still deeply asleep when Castiel checked few minutes back and Jack was making no moves, Castiel debated should he wake them up to feed them, just for sake of the routine, but he decided that it would be better if they slept. He started to quietly hum to the sound, he didn’t know the song, but that didn’t matter because chorus was repeating itself: “ _Now I understand. What you tried to say to me, And how you suffered for your sanity. And how you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they did not know how. Perhaps they'll listen now.”_

Soon enough, while he was distracted he heard moving in car’s compartment, he turned his head just slightly to check. He saw that Dean was pulling out a small black box. Castiel guessed it was just something, though he didn’t know what, but he didn’t question it, if Dean wanted to kill them, he would by then. Few minutes passed in silence because Castiel was first person who was not up for chit-chat when he was just woken up, before he turned to look at Dean and ask how was he feeling. Everything was stuck in his throat when he saw Dean. Still a bit sleepy, glasses with plastic black rim balanced on top of his nose. His hair was a bit ruffled and he was honest to god making sweetest sounds as he was trying to wake himself up. If Castiel wasn’t driving he would do one of his famous staring sessions. Dean looked so nice like that. With his personality and extrovert behavior it was very… interesting to see him look so innocent and young. Even wrinkles that usually gave out that Dean was in his 30s didn’t manage to make him seem any older, and Castiel honestly feel like a huge creep just looking at him like he was.

Castiel barely muttered out soft: “How did you sleep Dean?”

Dean looked at him lazily before returning all of his attention to Jack curled up in his lap: “Good… good, been so long since I slept like this though. Ever since Sammy was really young, he used to just curl up on me and try to make himself as small as possible, he was always so cute. Then he had this phase when he was a teen where he was all independent and all, you know? Few years back, when he turned 21 and could legally get plastered, I took him out and got him to try anything that Ellen allowed me to give him. When he was promptly drunk off his ass I took him to car, but he decided that drunk him didn’t mind that he was ‘not a kid anymore Dean’ and he just plopped himself on me. I barely drove home, but he was asleep by then, try guessing how hard it was to carry someone head higher than you. Though he’s scrawny, you know.” Dean was fondly laughing at the memory. Castiel… well he felt good, Dean was telling him something so personal without being prompted, he just… WAS. And it felt good to be trusted like that.

“You’re an amazing brother Dean”, Castiel said, sure of it as he threw a look towards Dean. He would swear on his life that Dean’s freckled face got covered with blush when he heard the compliment, but being nice as he was, he didn’t point it out.

“I just… made it up as I went… you know? “, Dean have him a of handed laugh, but there was a touch of pride in his voice, “Sammy was such a good kid… I never say it enough how much he made it easier on me… he rarely complained, you know? He was a kid and he wanted attention, but he accepted that sometimes I was tired on my feet.”

Castiel nodded, understanding what Dean was saying: “I get that. Jack makes it easy to be a good… parent… it’s like he FEELS when I’m exhausted and lets me rest.” Word parent always felt weird in his mouth. Because in all ways but one Castiel was Jack’s father, boy referred to him as such too.

“Man, when they get older THAT is the rollercoaster. Sammy was such a worrier, especially when school was involved. I was not the smartest kid in the world, but I helped where I could. Sometimes he got so frustrated, thinking he will have a bad life… when… when he turned 17 I even asked him why”, Dean seemed so teary eyed, though again, it went non mentioned by only other lucid passenger in the car, “Kid broke my freaking heart. He said, his fluffy baby hair and all: ‘Because then I will be able to take care of you.’”

That… that hit Castiel differently. He reached out and put hand on Dean’s leg, moving it a bit and smiling. He knew that this was as much of emotional things that both of them could handle when Dean slowly took it and squeezed with laugh leaving his lips: “Kid is a goddamn angel.”

Castiel laughed at that too, wanting Dean to feel comfortable he tried to come up with another topic, then he remembered glasses that were getting a bit lower as Dean talked: “Never saw you wear glasses.”

There was questioning look on freckled man’s face before he himself remembered, small embarrassing nod making his hair go all around: “Yeah, had incident with motor oil and eyes when I was fixing my baby. It’s not like I can’t see, but it’s hard to see at night without them. I got fancy ones at home, but I keep these here in case I need them. Don’t want to hit some poor dog when I’m going home.”

There was a moment of thought as Castiel examined them, before nodding: “They suit you quite well.”

Dean was caught off guard, whispering small: “Thank you.” They settled into comfortable silence. Dean didn’t seem like he wanted to know where they were, or maybe he already knew since he probably went down this road many times.

Silence lasted about 10 minutes, before Castiel heard buzzing. He jumped a bit, checking to see if Jack was asleep, though before buzzing could wake Jack Dean motioned to the side of the road, wanting Castiel to park. It was probably because of the signal, so Castiel didn’t question it as he parked. Dean answered the call, confused as it turned to be facetime one, Sam rarely face timed. Castiel reached out and took Jack into his arms slowly.

Girl with brown hair and panicked expression appeared on the screen. It was dark all around her, but sounds of the cars confirmed she was outside. There was some shouting in the background, from what Castiel noticed. There was only one thought: ‘That couldn’t be good.’

“Eileen what’s happening there!? “, Dean almost shouted, but it was at bay minding the sleeping child next to him in Castiel’s arms.

“De! Tam is in danger! “, only when he heard the girl speak did Castiel notice hearing aid that was poking out of her hair.

“What danger, Eileen tell me what’s happening! “, Dean was starting to look panicked, so Castiel just tried to keep Jack close, it was consciously so that Jack wouldn’t get woken up, subconsciously because he was waiting for shoe to drop and something bad to happen.

The girl, Eileen, Castiel reminded herself, changed position of her phone and he could hear typing sound, sure enough not minute later there was a message that popped up in form of chat bubble. Dean opened it frantically, his face stuck in the shocked and panicked expression: ‘ Sam and I were trying to get food in the market close to the motel and then Sam saw John and he pulled me out but he noticed us and Sam’s fighting with him he pushed me into the bathroom and I can’t open the doors they’re stuck!!!’

“FUCK! Eileen, Eileen you have to stay put okay? Sammy would never forgive himself if anything happened. You got that app for 911 that Sammy installed for you, right? You’re registered. Text them your location and tell them there’s mentally unstable man threatening you and your boyfriend. There was previous encounter and he’s DANGEROUS. As in ‘he could kill us’ dangerous, okay?”, Dean watched Eileen nod, girl seemed like she was only scared for Sam, she didn’t look as panicked as Castiel knew he would be, smile spreading on her lips, though it was so wavy and unsure at the same time Dean whisper, “Good gal.” After that call was ended and Dean’s expression was the same lost one he had in the shop, and this time Castiel could do nothing more than to put Jack between them and hit the gas, hoping that he could drive them to Palo Alto in record time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! hope you liked the chapter, leave a comment if you did. If you didn't still leave me a comment saying what would you like to see changed and what was it that you didn't like.


	11. whispered apologies and unsaid thank yous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean have a lovers spat even if they don't know it yet. They finally get to Palo Alto, but it's still not happily ever after.
> 
> Also Cas is finally opening up about the 'incident' when Jack was a baby. I hope i will have it out in the open by 20th-25th chapter, but let's focus on one drama at the time.

Dean was stressing, scratch that, he was buzzing in his seat, his leg jumping, his hands tapping on his leg that was calm and his glasses have been on the edge of his nose for the past 2 hours since they’ve been driving over the recommended speed, by next hour they would be in Palo Alto if they continued like this.

“Dean you’ve got to calm down, you’re not doing yourself any favor behaving like this”, Castiel said calmly, not taking his eyes of the road. He was kind of glad that people who taught him how to drive were Gabe and Lucifer, instead of Michael and Raphael.

“Would you calm down if someone were to literally put Jack in life threatening situation!?”, Dean freaked out, letting some of the tension out of himself with that shout like whisper, still minding the sleeping child.

Castiel thought about it. About time when Jack WAS in life threatening situation. When Castiel freaked out and called Gabe screaming that Lucifer locked him away. He was not calm then, and he would not be calm now. He nodded, acknowledging Dean’s point: “No. I would not. I apologize, I speculated that maybe trying to calm you down would work.”

“No… No Cas… I didn’t mean it like… THAT. I just freaked out. Sammy is like my kid. I raised him. And--- And god… If something were to happen to him I would just give up Cas… I don’t know what my life would be without him. I would probably drink myself to death”, Dean mused about the fact, not even seeming concerned by thoughts. Castiel knew he wasn’t. Dean had that specific tone he spoke in when he was worried and scared, tone he spoke in whenever he mentioned anything happening to Sam, this didn’t seem like it.

“Dean I know it’s terrifying. Believe me on my word. I know. But if you’re freaking out they won’t let you see Sam… you don’t want that, do you?”, it felt bad doing this, using the same strategy that Michael used on him those years ago, but he knew it will trip Dean and force him into calmer state. Even if it would be better if man would let the rage out, car with a toddler was not a place to do it.

It seemed that Dean took his advice, though he didn’t say anything for the next half an hour. Castiel heightened the volume as much as he dared to without waking Jack. He hoped it would help Dean to take his thoughts of from ‘What if’s’. What cut through the music was familiar buzzing of Dean’s phone. Dean fumbled with it, answering as fast as he could. Reaching out to lower the sound volume on car so he could hear better, before he started talking. Castiel could catch bits and pieces about what was being said, but not a lot, as Impala’s strong motor overpowered quiet sound coming from the phone.

“Ye-Yes! I’m Dean Winchester, I’m Sammy’s older brother. Yes. I had guardianship over him… yes… we’re on our way… it’s about hour away at this point. Yes ma’am, we are aware. I—Is my little brother okay? Please ma’am, he’s all I have, please tell me that he’s—I can’t lose him”, Dean sounded desperate as he waited from the answer, tears finally spilling from his eyes, after hours of brain wrenching worry. He let out a breath, it was shaky and let out barely, but it was before he started speaking: “G-Girl that was with him… she’s his girlfriend… it’s okay to… you can let her know… things. She’s probably sick with worry. Please help my brother.” Dean repeated. Over the next few minutes it seemed like that at every re-assurance of the lady on the phone Dean would beg for them to save Sammy. Call ended soon after that, leaving a shaking mess on the seat next to Castiel.

Without being prompted, which Castiel was thankful for, Dean started talking: “They got there… That bastard hit him over the head with something… or… something like that. Sammy fell unconscious when they got to him… he was protecting the doors Cas… They already know there is a concussion… or well, they highly suspect it given that he has huge lump on his head… it’s… it’s not critical… but they’re waiting for him to wake up. Cas I gotta get there before he wakes up, he can’t wake up alone and they won’t let Eileen in. He can’t wake up alone Cas.”

Castiel nodded. Dean blabbed out the hospital and Castiel tried to remember what Palo Alto looked like, when he got it pieced in his mind he nodded once again, before speeding up. This was side of Dean Castiel didn’t really ever get to see, he saw prideful man resort to begging when his brother was the one he was begging for, and Castiel could understand it. That was the sole reason he was risking his driver’s license like he was right then.

It took 45 minutes for him to park Impala in front of the hospital E.R. entrance. Dean practically jumped out of the car, letting Castiel go park. Hospital in front of them was huge, but Castiel was thankful that nurses were of big help as he turned up in front of the room 112 with Jack in his hands soon after. First thing he noticed was Dean hugging short girl close to his chest, his cheek resting on her head. There were tears streaming down his face and certainly there would be wet patches where girl’s head was. Dean was rocking them both, seemingly trying to calm her. That seemed to be a habit. Dean would turn into caretaker mode to distance himself and seem more grounded while he was helping someone else.

While they stood like that Castiel took in the girl’s appearance. It didn’t seem like the shirt she was wearing was hers, there was no way it was as it reached her thighs, at least the parts that weren’t hastily tucked into the greenish shorts. She seemed like she got dressed in five minutes if that long. Her hair seemed like it would take years to comb out. Dean was shushing her as she tried to speak, though her disability and sobs preventing her from getting more than one word at the time. Castiel could hear whispers of: ‘Sammy is strong’ , ‘ I will kick his ass when he wakes up’, ‘He will be okay, he has to be’ coming from Dean, whispered into the brown hair. Girl also tried to tell him something, but all Castiel could notice and recognize between sobbing and speaking into Dean’s shirt was clear repetition of: “Sorry.”

It felt like he was intruding on the moment, and he wished to leave them alone, but he couldn’t, since he didn’t know where else he’d go, so he slowly walked over to the small white chair close to the wall, settling there and taking Jack close to his chest, kid’s ear pressed on his left side, allowing him to hear the hearbeats of the older man. When he looked up he saw Dean and the girl, Eileen, looking at him. Eileen walked closer to him, reaching out and hugging him, watching so she wouldn’t make Jack wake up. Castiel was confused at sudden affection, since he didn’t know the girl and his family never told him there was a custom where you would hug people you don’t know. He watched as girl signed simple ‘thank you’, at which he nodded, adding to assure her: “It was no problem.”

He moved more aside, to let her and Dean have more space to sit. She took the seat, thankfully looking at him as Dean was talking to the nurse. He was trying to get them to bring the cot into Sam’s room. Castiel caught few: ‘child’ in Dean’s talk, so he supposed Dean was thinking how it would be more comfortable for Jack to sleep in a cot, instead of sleeping on his uncle, even if he was comfortable and warm. He watched nurse nod, making Dean nod before walking over to them, sitting down. He slowly reached for Jack, moving hair from his head.

“I… I asked them to bring us a cot into Sammy’s room. We will be let in when they determine if he is in critical condition or not… I told them you’re a family friend, so they said that it will be fine if you’re there as well. I think Jack will appreciate it. Poor kid got caught up in my mess”, there was certain apologetic note in his voice, and Castiel just wanted that sad and defeated tone to leave them alone, dean deserved to be happy, not… not like this.

He slowly re-arranged Jack, passing him to Dean slowly: “You can make it up by saving my old man’s back. He seems to find you okay enough to sleep on you so there you go.” It was an excuse, maybe not entirely, but kind of an excuse to get Dean to be close to something that could calm him. Jack seemed to calm Dean in the car, and he hoped it would work here as well, because there was not much to do besides wait for doctors to determine what they had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! New chapter is out.   
> Loved it? Hated it? Feel free to give me your opinion comments make me light up like a fucking tree on a New Year's eve.  
> Also feel free to speculate what will happen next, I will be forever grateful.
> 
> Also last week I changed up some ship things last minute before they become trouble to change later on because I changed my mind. Check out which ones are different so you know if ship you were reading this for was changed (all those ships are minor ones, besides Destiel).  
> Leave kudos if you want!


	12. cold hospital floors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just pure angst to be honest, this chapter is not original one, but i like this one much better. There should be no reason for trigger warning, but I will still say that this part has described what Sam looks like post encounter with John.

Everyone was quiet, occasional shuffling around when nurses passed were the only sound that disturbed the uncomfortable silence, but no one paid them any mind when they realized that they had nothing to do with Sam and his situation. Hour later after they had unspoken agreement about not saying anything sobbing filled the quiet hallway. Castiel turned towards the noise, only to see Eileen sobbing into her hand. Dean looked at her as well, but with Jack resting on his chest he could do nothing, so Castiel slowly got up and walked over to sobbing girl, now that he thought about it she was technically a child, she couldn’t be more than 22. He pulled her to his chest and she broke down in even louder sobs. Castiel put hand in her hair and let her sob into his shoulder. He was glad that he wasn’t expected to say anything, because if he was he wouldn’t know what to do.   
It took half an hour for sobbing and crying to stop, when she moved away from his shoulder Eileen shot him weak, but grateful smile as she sunk down into her chair, with Castiel’s hand around her forearm. He shot a smile back before going back to sit down.

Castiel finally felt his phone buzzing, so he slowly pulled it out, only to be met with messages from his friends.

** Bobby: ‘Are you boys alright? Don’t worry about the job, it will be waiting for you when you get back. Please make sure that idjit doesn’t kill himself. Check in with someone when you see this.’ **

** Meg: ‘ clarence you good?’ ‘answer me goddamn it’ ‘if you don’t answer me by tomorrow im catching the bus over im not fucking around’  **

** Charlie: ‘Heard what happened. Thank you for not letting him drive. Call me later pls.’ **

** Anna: ‘you’re probably getting bombarded with messages. we just worry. if you guys need ANYTHING just tell us.’ **

Castiel’s breath caught in his throat, he gave a tight lipped smile, scared of fucking ocean that would come streaming from his eyes if he gave himself permission to truly smile. He slowly typed out messages, answering every one of them. After writing all the messages he took a deep breath looking at Dean who was gently rocking Jack and petting his back. They will be okay. They got their family by their side. They will be just fine. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but they will be.

Silence continued well into the night, Jack was now in Castiels hands drooling on his shoulder, about three hours later after they arrived Sam’s nurse, Alex walked out with gentle smile on her lips as she hugged the notebook she carried close to her chest: “Sam is not out of the woods yet, but we managed to stabilize him. You can go in if you want to.”

Castiel was sure that she barely finished her sentence when Dean bolted up and practically ran into the room that he was sniping with his eyes this whole time. Castiel got up much slower, staying behind when Eileen ran into the room after Dean.

Jack was nestled in Castiel’s chest when he turned to take a look at Alex: “Thank you so much, I’m sure Dean is just as thankful, but as you can see he is very overwhelmed at the moment.”

Alex gave him a polite smile, nodding her head while brushing a stray hair away from her forehead: “Don’t worry. I understand. There is nothing worse than having to put life of people you love in hands of some stranger. I’m just happy he didn’t cause a scene, that usually makes it a lot harder on us. We had a cot put into room for your son on his request, there are a few blankets on it. Try to get some rest.” She gave him another polite smile before rushing off when one of the doctors passing by called her over.

Castiel also turned around and walked inside of the hospital room. At that moment he wished he hadn’t. Sam was lying on the bed with long hair spread on the pillow, surrounding his beaten up face. Castiel was sure he wouldn’t be able to tell it was a child from Dean’s wallet if he didn’t KNOW it was. His face was various shades of blue and purple, some bruises already taking a sickly green colour. His body was hooked up on many machines that he couldn’t name. What completed the picture and made Castiel sick to his stomach was Dean was kneeling on the grey hospital floor, his head in height with Sam’s as he held Sam’s hand up to his trembling lips whispering. There was such a wave of nostalgia, bad one, as he watched this scene. It was like he was seeing himself when Kelly was dying, trembling and begging her not to go. Not to leave Jack and Lucifer alone. Not to leave any of them alone. She was the glue that kept them together.

_“You got him now, he will keep you all together. My little Jack.”_

Castiel had to turn away and go sit on the cot that was in the corner of the room. He grabbed one of the blankets and wrapped Jack in it, making sure the boy was secure. After being awake for almost 24 hours he was exhausted, he will be of no help to Dean now, since he knew he won’t be able to move him from place he settled himself on. He reasoned that he will be of more help to Dean if he was rested. Soon after he let himself fall into the deep slumber.

When he woke up the next morning scene didn’t change all that much. Dean was still where he was when he fell asleep, Eileen was curled up next to Sam’s side that was clear from all the tubes and machine parts that were keeping Sam breathing. He slowly started getting up but groaned while his back protested. They have to rent out a room ASAP, or his back will hate him until his dying days. Dean turned his attention towards Castiel, giving him a small pitiful look.

Castiel shrugged while cocooning Jack on the cot with all blankets that were there, he yawned then softly rasped out : “Good morning.”

Dean opened his mouth to say it back, but he was interrupted by someone opening the doors. Lady that walked in held himself the was Castiel remembered his aunt Amara holding herself, confidence streaming off from her with tight red dress framing every curve on her body. She had curly ginger hair to rival Charlie’s and Anna’s falling down her face and framing it perfectly. She looked over at him then scanned the room, her eyes falling on Dean who was still kneeling on the floor. Dean also looked up, his eyes locking in with hers. He blinked a few times, taking her appearance in, like he couldn’t believe that this woman was standing there. Before anyone said anything Castiel noticed that Dean’s eyes were filled up with tears in an instant. He shot up, his knees protesting as he did, making a stride towards her and enveloping her into a tight hug, putting his head on her neck and finally letting out a sorrow filled sob. Woman didn’t seem phased while she returned the hug, cooing and putting hand in short hair petting it, with soft whispers that only Dean could hear. Dean’s body was wrecking with sobs and sniffles when she placed a kiss on the side of her head, looking at Castiel and Jack.

“Well, hello boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ROWENA'S HERE! We're more than halfway through the first arc of this fic by the way! I forgot to say that last time. There will be two arcs so yeah. Hated it? Loved it? Tell me about it because comments literally make my day. Leave kudos and share with anyone that you think might find this interesting, now to the trivia:
> 
> sooo, sorry for a bit shorter chapter, but I felt like it was long enough and wanted to have that dramatic effect at the end. I had 2000 words chapter for this part that was A LOT different than this one, but then on Friday my computer decided to breakdown and I lost like 2 chapters of this fic and almost everything else I had on my computer at the time (every plan, EVERYTHING). I didn't think I would get the chapter out on time, but HA, jokes on me, service we took my computer to got everything done in one day so that's great.
> 
> In the meantime I also started Instagram AU, so if you're into that check out @spnfarmau, it will be more lighthearted than this is.


	13. red dresses and freckled faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Sort of-- Momma Rowena is here to sort out her sons and Castiel is in love, enjoy.

Castiel sat there stunned, looking at woman’s petite form being crushed by Dean’s arms as he sobbed his heart out. The lady was patient, placing a kiss in Dean’s hair when his shoulders finally stopped shaking.

“I suppose we’re done waterfall wise boy?”, she spoke, thick Scottish accent lacing though her speech while she combed her hand through bed messed hair. All that earned her was a fast nod that apparently didn’t mean that Dean was done with hugging her.

“Oh my dear boy. Dean Winchester get yourself together, this is not going to help you or that wee brother of yours, now is it?”, mock like scolding finally pulled Dean away from his deep thoughts and he shook his head, his face finally leaving crook of her neck.

She smiled at him, placing much paler hand to his cheek wiping away tear that was trialing down with her thumb: “Now that is much better, I can’t handle seeing you snot nosed, look at your eyeliner! Come on boy, I refuse to talk to you until you get yourself together. I expect to at least hear a good morning after you get your face washed. Is that understood?”

Dean gave her another nod and hurriedly rushed to the bathroom, sparing Sam one more concerned look while he closed the doors.

“Now that’s dealt with.”, she made motion like she was dusting her hands before her eyes went to Castiel, “Hello dear, you must feel very awkward, I apologize for that, all in days work I suppose, Dean can get pretty overwhelmed with all those big emotions. My name is Rowena MacLeod, and who would you be?”

When prompted with question he didn’t understand it at first, being lost in Rowena’s fast and quite rambling speech: “I’m Castiel Novak, Dean’s friend from work, I drove him here when he heard of what happened.” Castiel tried to be brief, moving his hand around, as if that would explain things better.

“Oh thank the gods! I thought he drove in that death trap by himself, I told him I would loan him some money to get a new or at least NEWER, but boy doesn’t want to even think about it!”, she threw her hands in the air, even if her words were scolding her tone was laced with concern and pure love when she looked at the bed then towards the bathroom doors. Then, as if she caught herself she turned towards him and spared Jack one look: “And who would be that?”

Castiel turned towards Jack, smile spreading across his lips from seeing his little boy comfortably dreaming, as if nothing bad was going on. “That’s my son, Jack. I decided to take him with me since I didn’t know how long would we stay here”, he explained, his hand reaching out to wipe away any stray hairs that were on Jack’s forehead. Rowena nodded at him, small sympathetic smile appearing on her lips, laced with guilt and regret: “Children are a blessing my boy. Never forget that.” Castiel nodded at her before watching her walk over to where Dean was kneeling and sit next to Sam on small portion of the bed.

She reached out with gentle hand to cup his cheek into her hand, touching him like he was the most precious thing in the world, as if he’d break from slightly harder touch. Castiel couldn’t see her face from where he was sitting, but he noticed how her graceful posture fell and her shoulders sagged down. This posture was very familiar to Castiel, he saw it on one of the worst days in his life, it reminded him so much of Lucifer sitting by Kelly’s struggling body as she attempted to hold Jack for her first and final time. That resignation in the posture.

“My poor boy, I’m sorry we meet again under these circumstances. This time I will finish this like I should have all those years ago and throw him into the prison cell for good”, she lowered down to place a small kiss on his forehead. She cast her gaze sideways when Eileen seemed to wake up from the movement that was happening. Rowena shot her a smile and Eileen rubbed at her eyes as if making sure that she wasn’t dreaming.

“Hello Eileen, I apologize for waking you up”, Rowena said regretfully, signing as she spoke moving her hand to brush away Eileen’s hair behind her ear, “I had to, Lady must always look her best.”

Eileen shot her a smile, getting up to circle the bed and hug Rowena around her neck, older woman petting her head. Rowena hummed lightly in the back of her throat rocking back and forth. They separated after they heard the bathroom door opening, Dean walking in with damp hair and hazy glasses. Rowena looked up at him and smiled: “Now that looks much better, though those glasses look HIDEOUS, did I not teach you ANY style?”

Dean chuckled at baffled voice taking off his glasses and tucking them into his shirt: “I apologize for not getting my pretty glasses on for you my dear lady, I did not expect to be in your company.” Dean watched her with some easiness that Castiel rarely saw on the man, he especially didn’t expect to see it now when the situation was like this.

“Oh I am aware you didn’t, because I had to come to know Samuel is in the hospital because I’m his lawyer. That was very rude of you Dean Winchester. I expect to be notified about stuff like this or I will tan your hide”, Rowena waved her finger in Dean’s face, which caused him to chuckle and lower his head in innocent gesture. Rowena shook her head, crossing her hands on her chest.

“Alright, alright I got it, tell you when dad decides to be a dick and go after Sammy”, sarcasm laced into Dean’s voice made Castiel look at him with involuntary pity in his eyes. He knew this was dean working through trauma but it still pained him to hear Dean talk like that. It seemed as if Rowena also noticed the tone and combed her hand through Dean’s hair. She kissed his cheek and pulled him into another hug.

“I will send your daddy far away this time, should’ve done it the first time around, this wouldn’t have happened at all”, woman sighed placing a motherly kiss into Dean’s hair, “I’m sorry my boy.”

“’ wasn’t your fault… Sammy and I begged you to just get us away… If you didn’t listen to us he would have been behind bars. It wasn’t your fault”, Dean insisted, his hands catching onto her dress hugging her even tighter, “I promise this isn’t your fault Rowena.”

In the middle of heart wrecking scene Castiel noticed twitching on the cot and he casted his look sideways. Jack was making small twitchy motions as he was waking up, going to grasp on Castiel’s pant leg. Castiel let a sigh out in disbelieved, taking Jack under his armpits to place him on his lap. Jack started cuddling up to his chest and mumbling nonsense, trying to get himself closer to Castiel. He gently rocked him, hoping that he would go back to sleep but to no avail. Soon enough Jack was brushing his eyes with his palms, eyes still blurry from sleep looking around the room he was in. He leaned back on Castiel’s chest and attempted to put his thumb into his mouth, but motion was stopped before it even began.

“Can’t do that Jacky, don’t want you getting sick sweetheart”, Castiel spoke softly, petting Jack’s hair away from his face.

Jack circled his arms around Castiel’s neck, tucking himself in. Castiel let out a laugh and kissed his temple: “Good Morning Jacky, did you sleep okay?” He was semi whispering at the barely aware child who was still trying to get sense of his surroundings. Jack hummed against his shoulder and Castiel just pet his head: “I’m very happy to hear that sweetheart.”

He continued talking with Jack for few more minutes, getting the boy to wake up just a bit more before he looked at Dean who was watching him. Castiel smiled then looked at Jack: “Can you take him for a few minutes? I really gotta go to the bathroom.”

Dean seemed like he just jumped out of some trance at the question: “Yes, of course. Give the little guy here.” Dean walked up to them taking Jack into his arms, boy immediately clinging onto him and positioning himself in the same way he did when it was Castiel holding him. The moment Jack was out of his arms Castiel made a bee line for the bathroom, confident that nothing will happen in the time that Jack was with Dean. After getting himself presentable in the bathroom sink he walked outside, crashing with most adorable picture that he could ever imagine.

Dean was standing on the window, his head sticking out along with part of his torso where he was pressing Jack so that he wouldn’t fall off. He had a tired but honest smile on his lips while he followed through with Jack’s ‘Good morning, Sun’ ritual. Castiel was mesmerized, Dean’s sun kissed skin was showing his light freckles that were even more noticeable next to Jack’s pale skin. Castiel guessed that lack of foundation that Dean wore religiously to protect his skin from sunburn was also made his freckles stand out. Tight Led Zeppelin shirt was hugging his body so perfectly that Castiel guessed he could probably count every single muscle that Dean had on his body. Before he could continue his … Day dream he felt a touch on his shoulder, when he looked to the side he was met with Rowena’s smiling face: “You should take a picture, dear, it might last longer.” At the comment Castiel’s face went up in flames, Castiel hoped that maybe one day this might be his everyday morning. Even if it was probably impossible…. He could dream. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO I'M A BIT LATE WITH THIS ONE I DIDN'T FINISH IT ON TIME AND IM SORRY.  
> You can yell at me in the comments, but also leave kudos if you feel like it. Love y'all this bitch tired


	14. fairy tales and lullabies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! I know we all love that, idk how to sum this up so y'all only getting this as a summary.  
> TW there is emotional meltdown (idk if this should be TWed but just in case)

It took them day to realize it might take awhile for Sam to wake up and he still wasn’t well enough to transport back home, so on the second day of their stay in the Palo Alto they rented out a motel room where they would spend the nights. After that it was same routine for the next 4 days.

First day sheriff Mills and her deputy came to the room and took Eileen’s statement, before saying they’re keeping John in custody until they can take Sam’s statement, because there was no one to pay his bail. After that they didn’t see them except for the call two days ago when they called to see if there were improvements on Sam’s health.

Every morning Castiel would report back home about what was happening, talk to Michael about what was going on with Lucifer, he was apparently still in the institution, it will take a few more months for them to be able to sign him to go home on good behavior, Michael said that it gives him enough time to collect everything he needed in case Sam is not able to work the case. Dean also convinced Rowena to be at the hearing next to Michael in that case… He was thankful to Dean for caring about his and Jack’s situation, even while Sam was still in danger, but he knew Dean was far from alright.

Every morning Rowena would shoo Dean to the cot in the room so he would get up from the floor and he would always fight against it, because ‘What if Sammy wakes up?’, but he would lose every time. Even with Rowena’s best efforts to keep him in the lane and … alive Castiel saw him slipping. There was no smudged black eyeliner framing his eyes or bright temporary colours in his hair. Colourful and… DEAN clothes were changed for some thrift store pants and shirts. Dean looked… older, like those 5 days that they’ve spent in Palo Alto drank at his life force, sucking his years out of him. Everyone noticed that food was becoming optional to him and they had to remind him to put something into his stomach. Seeing Dean like that physically hurt Castiel, he wanted to hug him and just shield him from the world, but he knew he couldn’t. Because Dean wouldn’t be able to live in the shielded world without knowing Sam is alright.

That afternoon only Dean was in the room, Castiel was going over to sit with him so he wouldn’t be alone, switching places with Rowena and Eileen who volunteered to stay in the motel with Jack, since Rowena had something she should write up for her client and Eileen spent last 5 days sleeping on the edge of the bed, her back was far from happy.

Castiel was in the room doorway when he noticed that Dean was curled up on the cot, his legs covered with old scrappy jacket while his head was rested on his hand. His head was lowered with glasses barely hanging on by the tip of his nose, covering now barely visible freckles. In his lap, under hand that was free was nested a book. Castiel recognized it, Dean sent him to get it from the car so he could read it to Jack. The book had bright cover with golden title ‘ Man of Letters’. Book was telling a story about secret group of people that were trying to catch the witch with help of the girl from another world. Castiel found if quite beautiful when he read it himself, but it sounded so… calming coming from Dean’s lips. It was obvious that he was reading to Sam, hanging onto the hope that he might hear him, even if he laughed into the face of doctors then they told him that it might help.

“…and then the Red Queens chest rose and her friend breathed with relie—“, he suddenly stopped and Cas could see why. Sam’s face was twisted in discomfort, something they knew to expect and not think anything off. His ribs were bruised and sometimes breathing will disturb them causing discomfort. That still didn’t make Dean feel any other way than scared for his brother’s life. He swiftly put the book down, uncovered his legs and walked over to Sam, sitting on the bed, on the same place Eileen took almost every night. His hand slowly reached for Sam’s hair, moving few stray strands of hair away from his forehead in parental manner. His lips parted, as if to let out a sob when his fingers brushed over the bruise that was formed on Sam’s head. That didn’t stop him from running his hand through Sam’s hair, soft hums nestled in his chest. Slowly but surely he started singing out the lyrics to very familiar song. It was Sam’s tone when he called Dean.

“…Hey Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her under your skin, then you'll begin to make it better. Better… Better.”, Castiel didn’t enter the room until Dean was done with lullaby version of popular song. Only then did he knock on the doors making Dean cast his watery gaze towards Castiel. Castiel expected anger or revolt because he was caught in the emotional moment, but all Dean gave him was a wet sob. 

“Cas he’s not waking up---he…”, Castiel hasty walked into the room and ran up to Dean recognizing an emotional meltdown from a mile away. With gentle arms he pulled Dean into a tight hug. He was aware that Dean didn’t get to full on cry it out, even if he let few tears slip, here and there. He put Dean’s head close to his chest, making Dean bend just a small bit to rest his head comfortably. He started clinging to worn out shirt Castiel wore sobbing into his shoulder. 

“Cas what if he doesn’t—Cas he won’t wake up why isn’t he waking up he should wake up!”, Dean’s yelling was buffed by Castiel’s shirt, so yell’s were only small whispers. Castiel stayed quiet, letting Dean get his frustration and anger at the world, John anyone and everyone out. He went through various stages, first letting out a heart wrecking wails into Castiel’s shirt, calling to anyone and everyone to get his brother back while also cursing the same people for making this even happen. After that he calmed. His body shuddered under weight and he clung to Castiel for stability. Watching him like this pained Castiel, but he knew Dean needed someone, because all his ‘tough guy’ act was slowly eating up at him. Knowing that didn’t make it any easier. Dean’s previously tall and strong form went into puddle of sobs and shakes wrecking his body, his muscles twitching and shuddering at every touch. It took 30 minutes for Dean to finally calm down, curled up next to Castiel on the cot. He was still very unstable and unsure what was going on, but at least he got it out. Castiel was thankful for that relief, though whole non-verbal thing worried him a little he didn’t point it out, Dean was very proud person, letting someone see him like this was very big show of trust.

Just as he noticed Dean’s eyes flutter there was a noise coming from Sam’s bed. As if it was installed into him, which if Castiel was honest was probably the case, knowing how he himself reacts to Jack’s every odd breath, Dean’s eyes opened as fast as it was possible and he was bolting for Sam, trying to get to the edge of the bed. He put hand on Sam’s cheek, hand already reaching for the angry red emergency button. But he didn’t because he heard one soft, barely above a whisper, breathless word.

“…Dee?” , even if quiet Sam’s one word rang inside of the hospital room clear as the day. Young Winchester reached for Dean’s face, his hand betraying him as he tried to lift it up. Before it could completely fall Dean caught it into his own, giving it soft re-assuring squeeze.

“It’s me Sammy, it’s, you’re okay. You’re safe, you’re safe and sound Sammy”, Dean breathed out in one breath, his eyes fixated to Sam’s glossy eyes. As soon as they were fully operational the sleep induced glossy look was switched for teary coat covering his eyes, making him look a lot younger than he was.

“ Dee it was so, so scary—Dad—it hurts so much-Why does breathing hurt so much!?”, instead of worry there was a gentle understanding painting across Dean’s face.

“You’re just panicking a little bit Sammy, you’re okay, your lungs are a bit bruised but you’re okay, you’re awake”, Dean spoke in warm tone, spending next 10 minutes reassuring Sam and making sure his little brother understood where he was, before he finally pressed the green button above Sam’s head calling the nurse.

Then finally, as Alex walked into the room with few doctors following, Dean let out breath he was holding since he got that dreaded call. Everything will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ 
> 
> INFO ON WHAT YOU CAN DO CONSIDERING CURRENT SITUATION SHARE IT WITH ANYONE YOU CAN  
> .  
> .  
> .
> 
> This chapter is late because I didn't want to post on the blackout, from next week on out we're back on track with usual updates.  
> Loved it? Hated it? Leave your opinion in the comments they make me fucking happy. Leave kudos if you liked it.
> 
> Love y'all, stay safe.


	15. memories that haunt my days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS ATTEMPTED MURDER OF A CHILD IN THIS CHAPTER. I WILL MARK WHERE IT STARTS AND ENDS.
> 
> This chapter is meant to give insight on what happened 'that day' when Jack was a baby (what Michael meant when he said that 'Lucifer will finish the job') and i'm just angsty today,

Both Dean and Castiel were ushered out from the room and sent to wait outside. In the meantime Dean called Rowena and Eileen to tell them that Sam woke up and the pure joy that was in those teary words made Castiel want to sob. That was like someone took a huge rock off of his heart. That exact moment Dean started sobbing and telling Rowena that: “Sammy is awake. My kid- Rowena he’s awake.”. That moment was what Castiel was waiting for ever since he sat behind the wheel of muscle car. That moment when Dean’s knees, weak from kneeling next to Sam’s bed, gave out. When his phone fell to the floor as he reached for Castiel to pull him into a tight embrace. Castiel was waiting for moment when Dean would be able to close his eyes without being scared that when he opens them Sam’s lungs won’t take a breath ever again.

Castiel held him close to his chest smiling into his hair: “It’s okay Dean, he’s okay, you’re okay. Everything will be okay. He’s awake.”

Soon Dean’s sobs turned into laugh while he was hugging Castiel. He had such a hopeful expression on his face, like he finally believed Castiel’s reassurances. It was a beautiful sight when Castiel looked into his eyes. Once again there was childish hope and light in them, that same shine he was used to. Suddenly freckled face was lighting up and bringing back that sun kissed look Dean always had. Suddenly everything seemed a bit better. Castiel knew he missed that smile, but God, he didn’t know he missed it that much that it brought him such joy.

Like a broken record Dean repeated once more, before going back to hugging Castiel: “He’s awake, Cas. My kid is okay.”

After that it took Rowena and Eileen about 20 minutes to get to the hospital, Jack seated on Rowena’s hip, playing with her hair and smiling when she paid him any mind. Redhead would smile back every time, rocking him playfully which caused child to giggle and clap his hands. Soon enough Jack was passed to him and both Rowena and Eileen went for a tight hug with Dean, both woman fighting off the tears that were threatening to spill. Castiel was just thankful to whoever was watching that they would be tears of joy even if they fell. Jack was quick to latch onto him, pushing his nose against Castiel’s neck, taking in small breaths of his perfume. He was probably tired, since it was around time he should be having his nap, so Castiel just slowly rocked back and forth, smiling while baby reached around playing with his hair. He knew how Dean was feeling. God… he knew.

_It was August, air was so warm during the day that Castiel didn’t dare take his old ‘pimp mobile’ for a drive, he would die without A/C. He usually took his dad’s Range Rover to be safe and ease his dad’s worry about him crashing somewhere due to temperature getting so high. Chuck rarely ever drove anymore, as he spent all his time helping out Lucifer with a baby. It was no secret among Shurley-Novak’s that Chuck was having problems with letting his grandchild out of his sight after what happened to Kelly that May. Everyone just… accepted that Kelly was one of them, that she was family. She was part of the family for so long that even Chuck referred to her as his daughter and she call—she used to call him dad._

_Used to, because in May of that year, after 22 hours of giving birth to her pride and joy, Kelly Kline-Shurley passed away due to complications caused in birth. Castiel still remembered what the Newspaper said the morning of her funeral: ’Kelly Courtney Kline-Shurley (born Kline) , right hand to President Jefferson Rooney and wife of well known writer Lucifer Kline-Shurley passed away at night of 18th of March while giving birth to her son. Mrs. Kline-Shurley left behind a legacy that our country will never forget. More importantly she left behind her loving husband, newborn son and families from both sides alike. Funeral will be held privately with no media coverage as per request of President Rooney. We all pray that Mrs. Kline-Shurley is at peace and that her family will get through these hard times.’ That text will be something he will never forget, not as long as he’s alive. _

_He shook off his head, attempting to shake off the thoughts as well, not wanting to remember that. Not now that he was going on an interview with one of the new writers he they wanted to hire. He was already close to the place where he was supposed to meet with their future employee when his phone rang through the silence of the car. Castiel answered without looking at caller’s ID, it was his private number, dedicated only to family, not even his friends knew about it, not that he had all that many to begin with._

_“Hi, it’s Cas—“, he started, but his voice was cut of by scream like sound that his father made._  
  
**(TW-START)**

_“ **CASTIEL—OH MY LORD—** “, Castiel recognized voice of his father as he breathed in panic, like he was trying to say something, but couldn’t get it out from his mouth._

_“Dad! Dad calm down you will have a heart attack you know what doct—“, once again he was cut off._

_“ **I MIGHT AS WELL DIE SO I DON’T HAVE TO WATCH THIS—LUCIFER UNLOCK THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW! CASTIEL HE LOCKED ME OUT! HE WILL KILL THEM BOTH!** ”, oldest Shurley screamed and banged on the other side of the conversation, cussing Lucifer out. In the back ground Castiel could recognize Jack’s usual giggle, one he got when he wanted to get their attention._

_“DAD—DAD I CAN’T HELP IF YOU DON’T CALM DOWN. What is Lucifer doing!?”, at that point Castiel was already speeding and making a turn, going into the direction of his older brother’s home._

_“ **HE—CASTIEL HE—he is going to drown both himself and Jack!** ”, that’s last thing Castiel heard before he broke several laws, getting to Lucifer’s house in under 10 minutes, going for the doors that were locked—no they were blocked. Fucking Lucifer._

_Castiel looked around, looking for anything to break the window with, but as expected he found nothing. He knew he had no time to waste so he took a deep breath walking over to the window. He broke it with a bit of struggle, glass cutting into his skin, beautiful painted glass getting stained with his blood. He ignored the burn, the sting, he could barely feel it as he entered through the window. He heard banging from Lucifer’s study that turned into Chuck’s room upstairs, but he didn’t have time. Police said 20 minutes is the best they could do. Lucifer didn’t need 20 minutes. Castiel knew he wasn’t late only because he heard whistling from the bathroom. He ran there, trying to open the doors, but only slammed into them, whistling still didn’t stop. He cursed, running towards the fireplace and getting fire poker from where it sat next to it. He rushed to the bathroom doors, using the poker to break the doors open. He expected to be shocked, but what he saw stopped the blood in his veins and beat of his heart._

_Lucifer was laying on his back in the half filled bathtub, lit cigarette was hanging from his lips, cool ash falling onto Jack’s small head as he lay on his father’s chest. Lucifer barely looked at him, just enough to acknowledge that he entered. And then he… he just extended hand that was under water. Hand that was keeping Jack on his chest—he extended it towards Castiel._

_“Cassie! I’m so glad you’re here. Now—Now you can join us. GO SEE KELLY WITH US”, Lucifer spoke and Castiel recognized the look in his eyes. This wasn’t his brother, that was whatever was left when you break person and attempt to piece them together with school glue and tape._

_Castiel couldn’t pay him any mind when he hears flapping in the water that his nephew was making, stiff cries while he attempted to get rid of the suffocating water that was slowly filling his lungs. Castiel sprang into action, years later when he thought about it he could have gotten to Jack in more peaceful way, save himself some time. But at the time there… it felt like it would be too late. He used the fact that Lucifer was lying down and in water. He pushed on his head as hard as he could, while grabbing Jack by whatever body part he snatched first, pulling him close and bolting for the same window he came through in. Then he jumped into the car locking it, trying to pump the water out of the small coughing body. Jack was freezing cold, almost blue, only his cheeks and face bright red from the attempts to get the water out._

** (TW-END) **

_Medics came 5 minutes later, but they told him that it would be a miracle if Jack woke up after what happened. It felt like Castiel’s world was falling apart. He doesn’t remember a lot about 8 days that he sat in front of the intensive care room, waiting. The moment Jack opened his eyes was the moment he will never forget. The ease that came with it. The way he could breathe again._

What shook him out from his sleep was wet noise that Jack made while sucking on his neck, childish motion that Castiel hoped would leave him the older he got, but at the moment he accepted it, because… he needed that. The familiarity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there, i know, i missed an upload last week, honestly i just had a bit of a burnout, and i was writing something else. In like few days you will get 6000 word endverse smut so i hope that makes up for it (if you don't read smut then i'm just sorry, i didn't get the update ready last week).  
> my mind is really messy but i'm set on finishing this fanfic, but breaks like this will happen if i burn out.  
> I also want to say that i will take small one week hiatus when the 1st arc of the au ends (around 22th chapter) to prepare for the next and pre-write so i could prevent what happened last week from happening.  
> I LOVE Y'ALL AND HONESTLY HOPE YOU STICK AROUND. I thrive off of comments so hated it? Loved it? Feel free to tell me in the comments. Leave kudos if you haven't already!  
> Also stay safe loves.


	16. dresses and faceless faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is released from the hospital and finally gives his statement about the events.

Next week passed slowly, as they moved through the motions. Castiel would wake up around 4 am and switch with Eileen, he’d go back to the motel room they were ranting out to sleep and stay the night period where he knew Jack could have nightmares, Jack would wake up around 9 am and Castiel would spend the first hour just getting him up to speed and to his bubbly self. They’d go for a lunch and at 11 am Rowena would switch with Eileen, rest of the day Castiel would spend doing some accounting while Jack was in the park or drawing on the bed, depending on how warm was it outside, he made it a routine to take Jack for a walk every afternoon, so he’d tire him out for Rowena and Eileen, then, around 7 pm he would switch with Rowena in Sam’s room, where Dean spent whole days.

Sam was okay, besides the constant pain that was dulled by drugs, which left him in pretty interesting state. He’d be as bubbly as Jack, making small comments and laughing at the smallest of things. Dean rarely left his side, because the nurses finally allowed Dean to just use in-hospital bathroom to take care of his needs after a scare when Sam’s lung collapsed while Dean was resting in the motel room.

Today their routine was a bit different and Castiel, as well as the others, was happy for that. Doctor finally gave Sam an ‘okay’ for going home after the cop ladies take his statement. At the moment Dean was helping him get dressed, slowly pulling his hands through the worn out shirt that was in the trunk of the Impala. Three days ago Dean gave up on dressing ‘normal’ because the temperature was getting to him. He was currently in a long flowery summer dress, moving around with ease. Sam didn’t bat an eye on his older brother when he showed up in the dress, just smiled, and with most innocent tone there was said: “You look so pretty Dee!”

And while comment made Dean’s cheeks go rosy red he was actually happy for the compliment, Castiel could see it in the way that he smiled. Much different from the smile he gave the nurses when they said they will get Sam dressed, which was in the most polite way telling them to stay away. For some reason, which Castiel didn’t understand, Dean freaked out about any kind of the pain medicine they offered Sam, and many times them ‘ changing Sam’ was excuse to put more pain medicine into his IV bag, because they couldn’t kick Dean out since Sam started to freak out and break havoc whenever they tried to tell Dean to stay away.

Soon enough Dean managed to dress Sam and get him up to his feet and into the hospital issued wheel chair. Rowena and Eileen were in the hallway with Jack, while Castiel stood in the doorway, in case Dean needed help, after all, if someone had experience with un-cooperating limbs it was Castiel.

“Can I go home now? “, Sam asked gazing up at Dean with his hair bent backwards so that he could look at his older sibling.

Dean used one hand to strictly position Sam’s head straight, before smiling: “Soon Sammy… You just have to give a statement to the cop ladies we met and we will be in the baby on our way home.” He was using the reassuring tone Castiel only ever saw him use with Sam. The younger Winchester, despite the obvious pout that crossed his face, gave in into the fact that there was no other way to get home.

Sam was quiet for some time while Dean wheeled him out, just looking around before starting to fidget, a nervous habit, Castiel noted. Sam looked around, tugging at his shirt and scratching his arm, trying to get something out, but he couldn’t find the words to do so.

“Is everything alright Samu—Sam? “, Castiel corrected himself, looking concerned down at the young boy.

Sam’s head snapped up, as well as Dean’s. He looked at his younger brother, reaching to thumb over his neck, trying to give him any sort of physical contact. Sam took a deep breath before shrugging: “I will have to talk about what happened… I don’t want to.”

Dean stared down pitifully, small sad smile spreading on his lips: “Oh I know Sammy, but there is no other way around it. They have to take your statement if we want to get dad locked up for good.”

Even after what Dean said Sam didn’t seem to settle, even if he wanted to ask he let it go. He supposed there were things Sam just couldn’t get off his chest right now. But the way Rowena looked down at Sam seemed so familiar, so full of understanding. Castiel couldn’t pinpoint it, but he seemed to recognize the look too.  
  
  
Statement from Samuel Henry Winchester, 27th of July 20**.

[piece from the transcript]

Jody Mills: …so could you explain, with as much detail, what happened that day? When your father found you? 

Samuel Winchester: Me and my girlfriend were on our way to the motel room, as my brother directed me to do, we stopped to get some food. 

Jody Mills: Your brother instructed that you go to the closest motel and wait for his arrival, correct?

Samuel Winchester: Yes, that is correct. Suddenly I heard a sound of the engine, I was very stressed that day, so my fight or flight reflex was of the charts that day. The engine belonged to my father’s car, and -- 

Jody Mills: 2-door 1986 GMC Sierra Grande? 

Samuel Winchester: Yes. First thing I could think of was that Eileen was not safe, even after all the years I knew to recognize when my dad was drunk… I pushed her into the bathroom when she was about to get out and locked the doors from the outside. Before I knew what was I doing I threw the key as far away as I possibly could. I knew she had her tablet with her, since she was carrying that bag… That’s when I saw my dad step out from the car… he didn’t seem a day older you know? And I felt so small even if I’m taller than him. Back when I was home I knew that… I knew that Dean would come and get me, but this time he was 4 hours away and I was terrified… I—I would say I froze, but I didn’t. He started yelling at first. How I killed my mother, how it should have been me. How she deserved better. It was my fault that that ‘bastard’ exists. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. My dad is very delusional, he claimed to have seen demons, monsters… More than once did he drench out mailman in holy water… He started charging towards me and I was ready to fight… Eileen was a few steps away, only thing holding him away from her was the piece of wood that my dad could easily break if he put his mind to it. So I stood my ground. He attempted to punch me, but I dodged it. He got pretty mad when his hand hit the wall. I didn’t expect him to trip me, it’s not my dad’s style, so I fell down… I had a---uh a knife, it was in my backpack, you probably saw it when you went through my things. I grabbed it and went to go for it. I was ready to stab him.

Jody Mills: Why didn’t you?

Samuel Winchester: … I—I’m sorry my memory is still a bit hazy, I had a concussion uh—

Jody Mills: Please try to remember, we need all the details we can get.

Samuel Winchester: I… I went to stab him. Then… then I heard a gasp! Yes. I heard a gasp. It came from the truck? I think so? YES. I heard a gasp from the truck. I looked in that direction and…

Jody Mills: Samuel?

Samuel Winchester: … and I saw a boy. He—he had a black eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI THERE. Yes I missed last update, feel free to yell at me in the comments. I posted the smut I promised though! So you can check it out.  
> There will be another change of tags since i write this story as I go, so some things get added out of original plan.  
> I hope you like the 'transcript' part. This story is supposed to be told from Castiel's POV, but I wanted to give you what Sam said, so... This is what i came up with. There will be maybe one more similar part at the start of the next chapter, with Sam wrapping up his statement. Otherwise there will be no similar parts.  
> So... THAT'S IT. Loved it? Hated it? Tell me in the comments! Leave kudos if you want!
> 
> Stay safe y'all.


	17. skinny kid sitting on the bench

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically this is Adam centered chapter with a tad of Dean and Cas being in love and not noticing it.

Castiel was stunned into silence when Sam was wheeled out from giving his statement and he started crying about the ‘blonde boy’ and asking every passing officer if they found the boy. Dean seemed confused as all of them were, crouching in front of Sam and trying to get him to focus, but young man was catatonic. He was clinging to Dean, pulling at his shirt and desperately trying to tell him something, but only words that were being formed were ‘boy’ and ‘not safe’. Castiel was worried, looking at Dean as the older Winchester tried to calm Sam, pulling his head to his shoulder and whispering into Sam’s hair. Castiel slowly walked up to Sam when he noticed that Dean’s attempts were failing. He crouched down, nudging Dean with his shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing Cas—“, Dean started, irritation clear in his voice. Castiel couldn’t blame him, he was only trying to protect Sam, but this will get them nowhere and they NEEDED Sam to calm down if his conclusion that there was a boy with John Winchester was right. Castiel shot Dean a look and hoped that Dean would agree to let him try. Finally after looking between both him and Sam he moved to the side.

Castiel slowly came in front of Sam, using his hand to guide Sam into looking at him. Sam’s frantic eyes took quite a few minutes to focus on Castiel’s assuring gaze. Castiel fixated him with a look, causing Sam’s scream like sounds to calm and transform into whimpers.

“Samuel I understand that you’re terrified, but we don’t understand what you’re trying to tell us”, Castiel spoke in assuring yet strict tone, he slowly fished his water bottle from the bag on his shoulder and uncapped it, using one hand do hold Sam’s head still and other to slowly pour some water into his mouth. When Sam drank good half of the bottle Castiel capped it and slowly pressed it against Sam’s neck, making the younger man lean into the calming coolness.

“Think you’re okay to speak now? It will really help us out if you can”, Castiel noticed officer Jody standing few steps away, with notepad in her hands.

Sam looked at him, then at Dean before finally taking in a shaky breath: “D-Dad had a boy in his truck—He had blonde.. yeah he had blonde hair. He was peeking from there uh—there … he had a black eye, there was a bruise on his left eye. He looked really skinny. ‘round 11, maybe 12. John… he said his name just-just give me a second I will remember the name.”

Sam’s eyes were squeezed shut before he finally gasped out and looked at Dean: “Adam. He called him Adam.”

Castiel turned to Dean and the look Dean had on his face was so haunting. There were tears gathering in his eyes, like he couldn’t believe it, like Sam just told him the worst thing imaginable. Sam was back to making low sobs and Dean sprang, or more like methodically moved, into action pulling rambling Sam into his embrace. He was shushing him and mumbling softly.

Castiel pulled a hand through his hair, looking at Dean with worry in his eyes: “Do you know who the boy is?”

Dean shook his head, looking to into the back of Sam’s chair: “But I know where you will find him.” He sounded so sure of it that Castiel was very confused, but he chose to follow Dean’s lead and nod, listening to what the man was saying.

“I need a phone book”, Dean mumbled slowly sitting Sam up and wiping his eyes, “Come on Sammy, we got a kid that needs helping and then I will murder John Winchester with my own two hands.”

Sam sharply took in air before nodding. Jody was still standing where she was, probably not taking Dean’s request for a phone book all too seriously.

“Ma’am? Could you tell me where do you have a phone book?”, Castiel asked standing up, he was amazed how fast he shifted into whatever he was when he worked with his family.

“Wh—Yes, of course, there is one at the front desk. Do you think I will need to prepare a patrol? My partner will go talk to John Winchester right now.”, Jody looked between both him and Dean, giving them space. Dean nodded at Castiel and received a nod back.

“It would be good to prepare a patrol, yes”, Castiel said, before turning and going to the front desk to get the phone book. After some back and forth with old lady at the desk he came back to Sam and Dean, handing Dean the book, receiving a grateful look from the man. Jody was there waiting with her hand on her radio.

Dean placed the book on his lap, flipping through the pages, while speaking: “There was a time when dad couldn’t be in Lawrence so we were on the road a lot. We were rarely separated, but dad made a rule if we get separated, back when mom was alive. If we get separated we go to the first motel in the phone book. Got it.” Dean tapped the number, giving the book back to Jody, who barked an order and address into the radio, rushing off and grabbing a pair of keys from the front desk.

“I should call Eileen and tell her to not sign us out from the motel.”, Castiel said, receiving a nod from Dean. Of course they would have no luck. It was already June, and he felt like it will take a little while longer until they get to see their beach.

Adam was cold. Not that it was surprise or something new, but he was cold. He was trying to huddle in his hoodie and his dad’s old jacket. 13 year old was barely filling it out and it felt bigger and bigger on him with every passing day. His dad told him to find the first motel in the phone book and sent him away when flashing lights of the police started showing on the horizon. Adam knew that he probably should have stayed where he was, or found a police station or ANYTHING, but he was terrified, when he heard his dad yell and beat on the tall man he just got so scared and he couldn’t disobey his father. More than once did he feel the force his father can use when he gets angry and he wasn’t about to test him when he was already on the spree. Though he was regretting that decision while he ate a chocolate bar he had stored in his pocket and his stomach was still howling at the emptiness, he was feeling nauseated the whole day from the empty pit in his stomach. When dad told him to go he didn’t really give him any money, so he just spent the time sleeping around the motel and stretching out few bucks he had on himself for food, but it was running out, the chocolate bar was something he had in case of emergency.

He was sitting on the bench close to the motel, but not close enough that owner would be able to shoo him away, Adam learned that particular lesson when dad had job and left him in New York last winter with no money and disappeared for a week. Dad had to collect him from police station after they caught him when owner called them and Adam could still feel the pain in his rib. When he noticed police patrol car he paid them no mind other than looking up and then back down again, in the past 14 days he realized no one was paying any mind to the skinny kid sitting on the bench, except old lady few days ago that gave him half of her pretzel and told him to give up drugs. He almost snorted, if he could afford drugs he’d get a room and wait for his dad there. He took old biology book out from his backpack and started reading through it. He wasn’t sure on all the words, and a lot of them were confusing him, but he needed something to get his mind away from howling in his stomach. He was so distracted, between the book and pain that he didn’t pay any mind to someone sitting next to him. Only when he felt a hand on his shoulder did he get tense and almost jumped.

Adam looked at the lady that sat next to him with fear in his eyes when he noticed the uniform. He could already feel his dad yelling in his ear and ripping his b--.

“Hello Adam, my name is Jody Mills, we have your dad in custody and we need to bring you to the station”, Jody, apparently, spoke in overly sweet tone, just like the lady that handed him over to John. He huddled away and pushed himself against the bench. He wanted to run, but he knew she’d tell his dad and she’d complain even more then, his best bet was to just go with her and hope she was a nice lady and won’t pay him too much mind. He nodded and slowly got up, packing away his backpack, not saying a word unprompted, trying to keep to what his dad expected of him, to just keep quiet and say nothing.

“Let me get that for you”, Jody said taking his backpack and putting a hand on his back, slowly leading him to her car and helping him into the seat. She handed him the backpack before taking up the driver’s seat and driving them to the station.

Adam really just wanted earth to eat him alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I leaving you with another cliff hanger? Yes. This time it wasn't intentional tho, I was running out of time and I wanted to get the chapter out. So... Loved it? Hated it? Tell me in the comments. Y'alls comments keep me happy and motivated.  
> Next update I will tell y'all about another project I got in the works, so keep an eye out for that.  
> I wanted to do a whole fic in Cas' perspective, but i wanted to give insight into Adam's mind and how his life is.
> 
> Stay safe y'all, see ya!


	18. spilled tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam finally gets to meet the Winchesters, Castiel reminisces on time when he was in Dean's spot and Rowena is set on helping the boys not get separated.

The car ride to the station took whole of 10 minutes and those ten minutes were the most dreaded 10 minutes of Adam’s life. He just wanted to go home… stay with his mom. He really wished his mom was still alive, she wouldn’t have let this happen, she wouldn’t. He still hoped that he will get to the station and that his mom would be there to take him back to Minnesota and just keep him safe. Adam knew that those thoughts were only making it harder on himself. His mom was cremated, he watched it happen, and she wasn’t coming back. This lady will take him back and give him over to John and then it will just… Just keep being like it was. He curled up around himself, wrapping hands around his stomach that seemed to have endless hole in it. At least overthinking kept him shielded away from the nauseating pain. He just stabbed his nails into his stomach and firmly shut his eyes, trying to think of something ANYTHING that wasn’t John or his hunger, but his thoughts just went back to one or the other. When he thought about John his mind would immediately go to the bruises on his back and swelling under his eye, when he thought about his hunger he would feel his stomach hurting even more. After few minutes there were tears gathering in his eyes, making him feel so, so small and childish. He really just wanted to cry but that was out of the question. No son of John Winchester will cry in cop’s car.

The said car came to a halt in front of the station, Jody got out first, slowly opening the backdoor and letting him out, with a steady hand on his shoulder. Adam looked over the station, trying to see where his dad’s truck was, but he didn’t find it. Later on he will realize that comment about John being in custody just flew over his head in wild panic that was going on in his head. Slowly, but surely, she lead him through the corridors full of people, causing him to take his backpack into his hands and cling to it for dear life. He was so grateful when Jody told officer that was up front that she checked his bag in the car. He didn’t want to get separated from his bag, there were some of the last memories of his mom and life he seemed to only get glimpses of lately.

Suddenly there were voices coming from the hallway the lady was leading him through. Immediately he recognized one of the voices. He just… he couldn’t pin point WHY he recognized it. He just… did. He guessed it might’ve been one of the social workers he spoke to over the years. When they rounded the corner they saw a group of people, standing around someone. There were two guys that stood side to side, their shoulders touching, one of them was a bit taller, with dirty blonde, almost brownish hair and long flowing dress (which took Adam aback for a second before he shrugged, the dress seemed to fit blonde guy like a glove). Other guy was also turned with his back, so all Adam could see was raven black hair and loose shirt that was tucked into a pair of baggy jeans. What stood out was lean woman with curly red hair dressed in satiny green dress that wrapped around her figure. She reminded him of his mom. The way she held herself seemed so.. similar. Suddenly the guy in dress moved to the side, reaching for a bag on the chairs and that’s when he spotted a forth person. Sam? Was it Sam? Or was it the other one? John never made it clear, he just kept shouting about ‘little bastard’ and never really said the name, so Adam guessed. Adam suddenly felt the urge to run, but before he could guy with long brown hair looked up and he seemed frightened, like he saw a ghost when he looked at Adam.

Before anyone could say anything Adam opened his mouth and rasped out, his voice raw and hurting: “I’m---I’m so sorry.”

Eyes of brown haired man softened and suddenly the guy that was getting things from the bag turned around fast. Before Adam could move he was enveloped in a hug from significantly taller man. His first instinct at the invasion of his space was to kick and toss and try to get away, but the moment that the guy had him engulfed in a hug he just… melted, reaching to grab onto his dress with shaky hands, almost sobbing out when he was pulled closer and almost lifted to the ground. The guy didn’t pay a second thought to Adam’s dirty hair or appearance. He just pulled Adam close putting his chin over Adam’s head, as if trying to protect him. And Adam actually felt safe. In the hands of this stranger.

Castiel watched Dean turn around and the face he made when he saw the boy remained him once again as to WHY he fell in love with eccentric man. Castiel saw that expression in reflection of the bus window when he decided to protect Jack at any cost. He knew that Dean will do anything to protect the petite blonde boy the moment he laid his eyes on him. Boy on the other hand looked, for the lack of the better word, ghostly. Where Castiel would expect chubby cheeks and a bit of baby fat were hollowed out cheeks. Boy’s blue eyes were darting around the room before he relaxed into Dean’s hug, but it was enough time for Castiel to take in boy’s whole appearance. His hair had a good layer of grime and dust in it, along with his face that had small smudges on cheeks and nose. Boy’s clothing looked relatively clean, with some spots of dirt and dust on old ratty hoodie. Castiel couldn’t imagine wearing it in this heat, but then again, clothes that boy wore seemed so thin that Castiel was pretty sure that if he tried he’s be able to rip it with no use of strength. Petite figure looked so childish against Dean’s pretty masculine form.

Suddenly Castiel had the urge to punch John Winchester in the face more than when he saw Dean’s lost look when he got the call about Sam. He couldn’t see anything in Adam besides a scared KID, especially when his body started to shake with sobs, tightening his hold on Dean’s dress. Castiel looked down at Sam who had hand over his mouth, obviously aware what the boy looked like himself. Castiel reached out and rubbed Sam’s shoulder, gaining attention of younge—middle Winchester. Sam looked at him with tear filled eyes, before shifting to look at Rowena.

The lawyer had her fist clenched on her bag, her jaw tight and tense as she watched. Castiel couldn’t blame her, he could see that she cared very much about the Winchesters, a fact that she couldn’t save one of them seemed to take tool, especially after what Castiel heard about her blaming herself for all this happening. Which Castiel thought was a bullshit. After four years of blaming himself for what happened to Jack, Castiel finally realized that he did best he could and saved the boy. It was far from perfect, he was sure he could have done MORE, but he just… he had to be happy about the fact that they were alive, and he hoped that Rowena would see that Winchesters will be forever grateful to her.

Sam pulled on Rowena’s dress, making her look down and smile at him: “You boys will get him better. You know Dean, once he dedicates to it that boy will be happiest person on the planet.” What cut her off was Jody leaving Dean’s and Adam’s side and walking over to them. It seemed like some switch flipped in the lawyer as she looked at her.

“I expect that John Winchester won’t be keeping guardianship of the boy?”, Rowena asked, looking at Jody, determinate to fight the other woman if she dared negate her.

“No. Lord, no. CPS has been contacted, we will see if Adam has any close relatives, and then see how will we proceed”, Jody explained, though Rowena seemed very bored with the answer, seasoned lawyer probably heard the same sentence thousand times before.

“I’m sure you realize that that boy won’t be letting you take Adam away from him. Dean is like that, and besides, Dean and Sam will best know what the boy went through”, Rowena waved her hand around, keeping it low, around her abdomen.

“I can’t really… decide where the boy will go. But I can submit request to the social worker. Dean has almost a perfect record. There was no problems first time around with Sam from his files. If there is no close relatives that will be willing to fight for guardianship I presume that services will let Dean take him”, Jody said, but Rowena didn’t blink at her presumption. It seemed like woman was already sure where the boy will go after this. And god, did Castiel pray that she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN. I apologize, I'm late, I know, I'm sorry. Feel free to yell at me in the comments. So... you know the drill. Loved it? Hated it? Feel free to tell me in the comments, leave Kudos if you want. This was post supposed for last Tuesday, so I will try to get this week's chapter written and ready on time.
> 
> THANK YOU FOR STICKING AROUND FOR ME AND MY PROCRASTINATING! 
> 
> NOW. 
> 
> I promised to tell you about another project I got in the workshop.   
> So the plan is to have a fanfic that's surrounding adventures of MoC!Dean, Casifer, Soulless!Sam, Evil!Charlie and guest appearances from the Crazy!Cas. Fic will be based in season like setting, with 23 chapters, representing episodes that will lead to one main event on the end of the fic, like in the series. This is just the basic idea and probably will change over time while I'm writing it, but I wanted to share it with you.
> 
> Dean never went to Lisa after the end of the season 5. He searches for anything that can get Lucifer out from the Cage and end him once and for all. Bobby tells him about the First Blade and Dean goes to find it. He meets Cain who promises that he will give Dean the blade and open the cage if Dean vows to kill Abbad on who came to the 21st century. Truth was that Cain wanted Dean to kill Lucifer as well. After Dean kills Abaddon Cain frees Lucifer. Before Dean kills him Lucifer tells him about the Mark and what it does to people. Dean forgets his fury at Lucifer when Lucifer promises that he will help him find a way to get rid of the Mark without freeing Amara if Dean finds him a vessel. Castiel says he can't allow anyone else to get caught up with them and allows Lucifer into his vessel. Dean attempts to kill Cain but doesn't succeed, so they do the next best thing and hide the Blade.
> 
> They go on to find the way to get rid of the Mark. Dean's soul already eaten up by it transforms into one of a Demon. At one point they reason that there is no better person than Sam, but when Lucifer tells Dean that his soul already ruined along with Adam's they agree to just pull out his body and let Sam's soul descend into Heaven. Along with Soulless! Sam they go on to find a way to get rid of the Mark. Along the way they stumble upon Evil!Charlie (who I will figure out later on) and after seeing her skill set they ask her to join them, and Charlie even if evil joins, looking for adventure. 
> 
> That would be it! Stay safe y'all!


End file.
